Lost and Found
by DragonWyrd
Summary: Joker thought he had lost everything he loved when the Normandy was destroyed - his home, his ship... Shepard.  This is the story of their reunion and life once she was brought back by Cerberus.
1. Loss

A flash of impossibly long white blond hair trailed almost to the ground as the woman was carried in a fireman's hold to the med bay as they sped away from Eden Prime. Blue-grey eyes awash with unshed tears as one of their own gave their life to destroy a cloning facility on Virmire. Strong arms wrapped around him as he was escorted to an escape pod, disappearing as he was strapped in, the final blast to the ship catapulting their owner into the void outside of the dying vessel. A struggling figure that quickly shrank from view as his pod hurtled away from the wreckage. These images and more were a constant companion in his sleeping hours. It had been over a year since he saw Kara Shepard get spaced, but he still couldn't get her out of his thoughts - or his heart. Even now he still mentally kicked himself for never admitting his feelings for her, even though he was sure she didn't return them.

Sighing, he rubbed the heel of his palm against his heart, the ache there worse than the ever present pounding in his head from yet another night spent in a bottle. He cracked an eye open then immediately shut it as sunlight crept through the part in the curtains to spear itself into his brain. Groaning, Joker struggled to crawl out of bed. He quickly attached the bracers to his legs, then swore a blue streak as he clumsily knocked over his crutches that had been leaning up against the bedside table. The resulting crash as they fell into a pile of empty liquor tubes screamed inside his head. With careful maneuvering, he picked them up and, with awkward slowness, made his way to the head to take care of business. He stared at himself in the mirror, barely recognizing the pale, gaunt face that looked back at him. His eyes were bloodshot and his facial hair looked like something even a vagrant would be too embarrassed to be seen with. Shrugging, he hobbled to the kitchen in the small apartment the Alliance had given him after they had ordered him grounded.

Green eyes surveyed the mess in the cramped space. Dirty dishes were piled everywhere ever since he had dismissed the cleaning service that had been hired for him. He turned to the cooling unit, opening it up, and grabbed for the jug of synthetic milk. As he uncapped it and brought it up to his lips to take a swig, the stench of spoiled dairy hit his nose and he shoved the container back into its spot on the shelf.

"You can't keep living like this, Joker," Anderson's voice crept toward him from the living area. Barely catching himself as he stumbled from shock, Joker crept out of the kitchen to look at his old captain.

"I'll live however I damn well please, Captain," Joker spit out.

"You're not helping yourself by hiding away from the world. And look at this place! I wouldn't be surprised if they had to condemn the building with the mess you have piled up in here."

"I'm not hiding from the world! I just don't want to be around people is all," Joker mumbled, not looking at Anderson as the man's words hit a bit too close to home.

"It won't bring her back, Joker," Anderson's voice was quiet and filled with sorrow.

"I know it won't! I saw her get spaced if you remember. They didn't have to freaking ground me though."

"Can you blame them for grounding you? You're not exactly the most stable element right now, Jeffrey Benjamin Moreau. How can they trust that you won't trash the first ship they put in your hands?"

"I would have been fine if they'd let me fly after I'd healed. But first it was excuses as to what my mental state must have been after seeing the Commander and the Normandy lost. Then it was excuses about my Vrolik's making me a less than stellar candidate, no matter the fact that I am the best damned pilot they've ever had. After that they made noises about how maybe if I'd been a fraction faster in executing evasive maneuvers that maybe the Normandy and Shepard would still be here. Y'know what? Fuck 'em!"

"I'm sorry, Joker…" Anderson began.

"I don't need your apologies, Captain. I got dumped and that brown noser, Alenko, gets a damned promotion. I don't need them. They can keep their sub-standard flyboys."

"I know it's not fair. Unfortunately the Alliance listens to me just as well as the Council does lately - which means pretty much not at all. I wish there was something I could do."

"They've ripped apart everything she stood for! Used her for damned recruiting purposes until they began agreeing with the Council that the Reapers were nothing but a figment of Saren's imagination and then tucked her away like she was some sort of embarrassment! That's what's not fair! She deserves… deserved… better!"

Joker sighed and slumped into one of the overstuffed chairs, the living area surprisingly clean, minus a layer of dust, as he very rarely set foot in the room anymore. His eyes scanned the small pile of discs that he had recorded without Kara's knowledge, of her during each of their missions when he could get decent video feed, or just spending time relaxing with the rest of the Normandy crew. They were the reason he didn't step out of his room much lately, every image burned into his brain and shattering his composure any time he watched them. He glanced sideways at Anderson as the man situated himself in a chair beside the Flight Lieutenant, then down at his hands that were clasped tight between his knees.

"I agree. It's not right what they've done to her and the work she did to save them and the Citadel, but what am I supposed to do? I might be on the Council but I'm basically a commodity. They can point at me and tell the universe that humans have finally earned the respect needed to serve the greater good while ignoring our needs in the face of the other races. The Alliance treats me with a little more respect, but now that I'm no longer of their ranks, they've basically closed their doors to me too."

"So basically we busted our asses to save their lives and we get shit on, is that it, Captain? Screw the Council and the Alliance. I deserved better and so does… did Kara."

He looked up from his hands over to the man sitting beside him.

"Why are you here, anyway?"

"Your doctor and Chakwas got a hold of me. They're worried about you since you haven't been reporting in for your treatments."

"What's the point? It's not like I'm going to be allowed to fly again."

"What would you do if you were to seriously injure yourself since you won't let anyone in? That's exactly what could happen if you don't continue with your treatments."

"Fine, fine, I'll go. Now will you leave me alone?"

"I'll be checking with your doctor to make sure you're actually going through with it, Joker. If you don't I might be forced to result to drastic measures that you won't like."

"Alright, alright! I said I'd go!"

Anderson looked at the young man beside him and sighed. Unfolding himself from the chair, he made his way to the door before turning to look back at Joker.

"I miss her too. You're not the only one grieving, young man. You might not realize this, but the day I received word of what happened, I felt as if I'd lost a daughter."

As Joker looked up to reply, the door shut silently behind Anderson, leaving him alone in the silent room. Laying his head in his hands, he let himself finally mourn the woman who had come to mean the world to him.

_/*\_

He wouldn't admit it to anyone, especially Anderson, but he did feel better now that he'd cleaned himself up and shaved. He just hated how fuzzy he felt after each treatment, even though he understood the need for the additional pain blockers. He'd tried it once without them and his body had cried for days. The agony had been excruciating.

Stumbling into his apartment, he stopped and sniffed the air, wrinkling his nose at the overpowering lemon scent that seemed to cling to the air. His eyes focused on the woman in the corner dusting the window sill.

"What the hell?" he muttered.

"Councilor Anderson hired my services to set your home back to rights. He said you'd been ill and couldn't manage the job on your own. I had hoped to be finished before you returned since he expressly stated that you weren't keen on personal interaction for the time being. He also had your cooling unit restocked," the maid replied, scurrying around the room to pick up her supplies. She bobbed her head to him then quickly let herself out of his apartment.

The message light was blinking on his comm. system. Sighing, Joker arranged himself in front of the console and accessed his messages. He frowned as the message wasn't from Anderson as he had expected, but instead was from some unknown sender. Spam more than likely, though he brought the message up on screen.

_Mr. Moreau,_

_It has come to my attention that the Alliance has decided to waste the talents of an incredibly able pilot. I could use someone with your skills for an important mission I'm funding. I apologize for not going into too much detail at this time, but until I know you're interested and on board with this project, I cannot explain further._

Joker stared at the message for a long while, scratching his forehead under the brim of his cap before setting his fingers to the virtual keyboard in front of him.

_Whoever you are,_

_I'm not going to just jump into your pockets without more information. It's true that the Alliance has grounded me and that I'd do anything to fly again, but until I know that your 'mission' isn't me just acting as a pilot for a puddle jumper escorting the rich and idiotic to their intended luxury vacation spots, I'm not going to give you the yes you're looking for. Sorry._

He smirked as he leaned back in his chair, then nearly jumped in surprise as the system beeped a few moments later, signaling a new message.

_Mr. Moreau,_

_That you wouldn't accept without more information speaks well of you. I would have doubted your mental capacity had you acted otherwise. Let's just say that this mission is a continuation of what you had been working on prior to your ship's demise. If you are interested or would like more information, please feel free to keep in contact. If you do sign up, as an added bonus to you, we have scientists who have been working on implants to assist with your Vrolik's disease. I have been assured that they will eliminate your need for the crutches and braces you must heavily rely on at this time._

"Holy…" Joker whispered as he read and re-read the message. If he could pace, he'd be doing just that, as the message tugged at him. He knew that Kara wasn't coming back, but if what this person said was true, it might be a way for him to continue on in her memory. With difficulty, he stumbled his way to the kitchen and, opening the cooler, pulled out a tube of orange juice, downing half of it in almost a single gulp. His eyes kept returning to the alcove where the message still sat on the screen, his thoughts a jumble in his head. Replacing the cap back on the tube, he hobbled back to the chair, his fingers flying over the keyboard the moment his crutches were out of his hands.

_Ok, you've got my attention. Not so much about the implants, though those are a nice touch, but about the rest. So you're going after the Reapers? If that's true, you've got yourself the best damned pilot that's ever been known to man. Anything I can do to continue what my friend had been working toward, I will do it._

After sending it off, he slumped in his chair as he suffered from an 'oh shit' moment. Torn between feeling relieved that he had committed himself to this and wanting to send another note back canceling the whole deal, he raised weary eyes to the console as yet another message appeared.

_Mr. Moreau,_

_Welcome aboard. I will be sending a shuttle to collect you at 0900 hours tomorrow morning to take you to our medical facility to begin both your orientation and settling you in for the transplants. Pack light. We have everything you'll need here._

_/*\_

Joker looked around the pristine facility as he stepped away from the shuttle. Granted it was only the shuttle bay, but it was still impressive. Now that he was back on his own two feet, he surveyed the vehicle that brought him to the station, the symbol on the side giving him pause. It was the universal symbol for Cerberus, a well known human terrorist organization. He felt a moment of panic squeezing his chest, knowing how Kara felt about them. He turned as he saw a figure walking toward him, succeeding at keeping his mouth closed and his tongue firmly planted within, as the woman stopped in front of him. How she was able to keep the skin tight white uniform from bursting at the seams where her body curved was beyond him, but figuring it was smarter to keep quiet, he said nothing.

"Welcome, Mr. Moreau. I am Miranda Lawson. I will be giving you a brief tour of the facility as well as showing you to your room and answering any questions you might have. One of our medical specialists will meet with you later on this afternoon to explain the nature of your own procedure. My time with you will be brief as I have my own project that is taking up the majority of my attention."

Nodding, he followed behind her as she gave him a brief rundown of the nature of the facility, explaining that it was mainly a medical facility, though it dealt with one project and one project only - something called the Lazarus. He frowned as she stated that the success or failure of this project would decide the nature of his own role - whether or not they'd need a pilot to man the helm of a ship to go after the Reaper menace.

"Uh, excuse me… but what exactly is this Lazarus project you're talking about? I think I deserve to know since you said my employment hinges on whether or not you can pull this off."

"Understood. If you would follow me?" she replied, leading him through a maze of hallways until they stood at a bank of windows overlooking the large med bay below.

Joker leaned forward and looked down into the room, almost squashing his face against the glass as he stared at the body laid out on the table.

"That's not funny. She's dead," he muttered, turning to look at the curvy brunette next to him.

"I assure you, it's Shepard. We recovered her body after the destruction of the Normandy and have been working night and day to restore her, to bring her back to life and the woman she was. So far we've been successful, but if she does not retain any of her original personality or thought processes, if she has changed, then this will be deemed a failure."

He turned back to the window and looked down at the woman laying on the table again, his fingers tracing the glass. He began to silently pray to every deity he could remember hearing of that the project succeeded. It became a litany in his mind throughout the next six months and twelve days, carrying him through the pain of his own implants and his removal to yet another facility while he went through physical therapy to strengthen the muscles in his legs.

He promised himself that if she pulled through this, he wouldn't make the mistake again of keeping his feelings hidden from the blond haired angel who haunted his dreams.


	2. Death of a Commander

Kara sighed and shook her head as she tried to focus on the pile of paperwork strewn across her desk. She didn't know what it was about her that kept Staff Lieutenant Alenko from understanding that she wasn't interested in him. First he had tried to kiss her when they were locked down at the port on the Citadel, which thankfully Joker had interrupted. Then the idiot actually had the balls to try and bed her prior to arriving on Ilos. She was fond of him, sure, but in the way that sisters are fond of their brothers. He was family and that was the extent of it.

Joker… her lips unconsciously curved as the pilot's name crossed her conscience. He might come off as prickly to the rest of the crew, but he was the one she turned to most often during her downtime. Granted, it had taken a while after her initial blunder soon after she had been given control of the Normandy. Well maybe it was more of a FUBAR on both their parts - him mentioning his disease, not realizing she had no clue anything was wrong, and her asking questions to get a better idea of what he was dealing with. It wasn't until after he had found her drowning herself in the mess after an altercation with someone from her past that the awkwardness had truly passed between them. She had quietly described her life growing up within the gangs of Detroit, the training she had received at their hands and the reason behind why she was such a crack shot with a sniper rifle. He had listened as she had gone on to describe the horrors of Akuze and how she continued to deal with survivor's guilt. The gentle touch of his hand on hers, the hand of one who shied away from human touch as much as the one he tried to comfort, had calmed the beast inside her. They had become near inseparable after that day and the cocky pilot had found a way to worm himself inside her heart though she wasn't comfortable yet with the thought of divulging such information.

"Prepare for evasive maneuvers!" she heard Joker's voice ring out.

Her eyes narrowed as she felt the Normandy bank sharply starboard, and she braced her feet, her hands gripping the edge of the desk as she carefully stood. Grabbing her weapons, she staggered toward the door as the ship then veered port side, barely keeping upright. As best as she could, she dashed through the corridors, her body slamming into one of the walls as the ship shuddered from a massive blast. Shaking her head to rid herself of the ringing in her ears, she continued forward, pulling her helm over her head and fastening it tight to her suit.

"Joker, if you haven't already, deploy the distress beacon," she ordered as she dodged the mass of bodies fleeing the scene of the initial blast.

"You got it, Commander!" his voice rang in her ears.

"Commander! Shepard!" she heard Kaidan's voice over the cacophony of screams and screeching metal.

"What, Alenko?" her voice was sharper than needed as she concentrated on grabbing up the fire extinguishers and passing them out to the nearby crew.

"Do you think the Alliance will get here in time?"

"They'd damn well better! I'm not doing this just so they can find our frozen corpses!"

"Joker's still in the cockpit. He won't leave, Commander."

"Get everyone into the shuttles. I'll take care of Joker."

"I'm not leaving either."

"I gave you a direct order, Kaidan. Go, now!"

"Aye, aye, Commander," he sighed, watching her slim form disappear into the smoke beyond before he ran off to rally those he could into the escape pods.

The ship bucked up beneath her as she made her way as quickly as she could toward the cockpit, ducking debris as the numerous explosions continued to tear the ship apart both inside and out. Stumbling over a corpse of one of her crew, she felt her heart drop into the pit of her stomach, the only thing keeping her going was the sound of Joker's voice over the comm. system. Upon entering the main area of the CIC floor, a shiver strobed up and down her spine at the lack of anything overhead but a huge gaping hole, glad for the gravity inserts in her boots keeping her from floating away with the other bits and pieces. The lack of structure surrounding her slowed her movements, any misstep on her part the difference between life or death, both for her and for the man she was risking her life for.

"C'mon, baby, hold together," she heard his voice so clearly in her helm, calming the nerves that sparked within her belly. Pushing the debris out of her way and clearing the path for their return, she entered the cockpit, her eyes briefly resting on Pressly's body before focusing on Joker.

"Joker, we have to go," she said, resting a hand on his shoulder.

"I can save her, Commander!"

"The Normandy's lost. Going down with her won't change that, only cause me to lose another friend," she murmured.

"You're right, damnit! Give me a hand, will ya?" he sighed. Both of them froze as they watched the external monitors.

"Shit, they're coming around for another attack!" Joker cried out, sitting back down in his chair to try and maneuver them out of the blast zone, hoping it would buy them a bit more time.

With as much gentleness as she could muster, given the nature of the situation, she helped him out of his chair, stopping only long enough for the enemy's particle beam to move out of their path. The trek back to the pod seemed to take less time than the original trip, perhaps because she had already cleared a path for them both, or because the sense of urgency had doubled. Pushing him into the pod, Kara helped him strap in. Another blast shook the remaining shell of the Normandy, lifting her off of her feet and out of the pod. Her hands clawed for purchase, Joker's panicking gaze meeting hers as he shouted her name. The metal was too slick for even the rubber grips of her gloves and no match for the explosion that rocketed the ship from yet another attack from the enemy vessel. Tears misted the inside of her visor as she saw the door to Joker's pod latch, the pod then expelled into space, away from the wreckage. Her vision dimmed as she realized the seals of her suit had been compromised and she struggled, trying to clamp them off, then passed out as her body reacted to the lack of oxygen.

_/*\_

She dreamed. She dreamed of the paradise Ilos could have been had it not been spoiled by Saren and his geth in their effort to regain the entrance into the Citadel portal to open it to the Reapers. She dreamed of her and Joker walking side by side, hand in hand, through the lush vegetation the planet had to offer. Sometimes she imagined Ashley beside her, telling her she understood, even agreed, with her decision to leave her on Virmire. Other times the woman tried to get her to follow her down some unknown path, each time she tried dread would hold her back.

Voices filtered in and out of her subconscious, voices she didn't recognize. They always seemed to become more insistent every time she tried to do something important in her dreams, such as finally gathering up the courage to tell Joker how she felt about him. She wished they'd go away so she could have that time to lay her heart out on the line, to trace her fingertips over his stubbled jaw, and taste his lips. Her near death experience on the Citadel hadn't quite taught her how short life could be, but the destruction of the Normandy sure had, and she wasn't going to waste the gift she had been given of more time with her favorite pilot.

The destruction of the Normandy… she had been spaced! This wasn't right, how could it be? If she had been sucked into the void, how was she standing next to Joker? Her seals had been blown apart by the last blast. She struggled to regain consciousness, trying to grab hold of the mortal world, if she was still a part of it.

"Shit, she's waking up! Her vital signs are off the charts! If we can't calm her down, she'll kill herself," one of the voices exclaimed. Her eyes opened and she looked up, her vision fuzzy but still able to recognize and comprehend the medical equipment surrounding her.

"Give her another dose, _**now**_, Wilson!" another voice ordered, the owner of the voice coming into Kara's field of vision. All she got was an impression of blue eyes in a porcelain face before her world started to go dark again.

"That was close. We almost lost her," the unknown male voice snuck into her head.

"I told you your numbers were off. Run them again," she heard as everything went black.

_/*\_

"Shepard, you have to wake up! The facility is under attack!"

That voice again. How she had begun to hate those voices. They were so cold, so unfeeling, speaking only of numbers, treatments, or in medical terminology she couldn't understand.

"Shepard!"

Kara opened her eyes, moaning as the bright light of the medical bay splintered into them. Flexing her jaw, she sat up slowly, feeling every muscle and bone in her body creak and pop from disuse. Nothing felt atrophied, just stiff, thankfully.

"There's a pistol and armor in the locker beside you. Grab them!"

She rolled her eyes, then stopped, narrowing them as she heard a barrage of gunfire outside one of the med bay windows. Growling under her breath, her body tensed and ready to fight, she decided to listen to the voice for once and grabbed the necessary equipment out of the locker, muscle memory helping her when it came time to don the N7 suit she had found within.

"Take cover, Shepard, now! Someone's trying to kill you!"

"When aren't they?" she muttered, then laughed as she looked the pistol over that she held in her hands.

"Yeah, this'll do me some good, with no thermal clip installed. What am I supposed to do, cloak myself then sneak up behind someone and pistol-whip them?"

"You'll find thermal clips all over the place, Shepard," the voice responded, cutting out when an explosion rocketed the bay.

"Lovely. Someone's always trying to ruin my day by ending my life. Didn't realize I was so popular," Kara sighed, slipping out of cover and finding a thermal clip near at hand. Half listening to the voice speaking to her, she crept through the station, taking out mechs whenever she could, while hoping that the idiot who reprogrammed the security drones had them turn on him or her too. Her patience had almost snapped by the time she ran into Jacob, reaching its breaking point when he finally admitted to her who funded the project that brought her back to life. Her mood was that of a wounded bear when she finally came face to face with Miranda, her trigger finger itching as the woman gunned down the one named Wilson in cold blood.

"Well gee, looks like my assumptions hold true after all. Cerberus can't play nice in or out of its organization," she sniped, earning a raised brow from the brunette.

"Jacob, really? I should have known your conscience would get the better of you," Miranda sighed.

"We can't get the Commander on our side if she's expecting a shot in the back," he replied.

"Like I won't be watching for it even more now that I know who you work for?" Kara said. "I didn't exactly keep it a secret that I was one of those responsible for shutting down several Cerberus facilities during my investigation of Saren."

"That's neither here nor there. We need to get you off this station now, Shepard, while there's still time. I didn't spend two years of my life bringing you back just to see you die from Wilson's betrayal," Miranda stated.

"Whatever. Get me off of this rotting hulk of metal then, but you and your Illusive Man will be answering my questions," Kara muttered, her stride long and angry as she made her way toward the shuttle.

As she settled back into the surprisingly plush seat, she surveyed the two sitting across from her.

"By the way, does this thing have a head? I gotta piss like nobody's business," she asked, deadpan, gauging their reactions. She had to fight a quirk of the lips as Jacob fought, and lost, to hide his grin. Miranda sighed and rolled her eyes as she looked at Kara.

"Crude," she muttered, "And no, you'll have to hold it until we reach the station."

"Well damn. Maybe you should have spent some of your funds upgrading these things," she snickered, slumping down in the seat and stretching her legs out in front of her, mentally marking yet another score for herself as Miranda moved her legs away from Kara's.

"You're purposely trying my patience, aren't you, Shepard?" Miranda asked, eyeing the other woman.

"Just ask anyone, I'm always trying someone's patience, sometime, somewhere. It's part of my charm," she smiled sweetly.

"I'm sure," Miranda murmured, disengaging momentarily from the conversation to remove a data pad from her pack.

"Before you speak to the Illusive Man, I need to run some tests."

"Oh come on, Miranda, hasn't she been through enough? From reports we've gathered, her personality sure hasn't changed, and I can vouch for her abilities myself. The way she handled those mechs was impressive."

"I need to find out for myself," the woman answered cooly, her blue eyes switching from Jacob to Kara.

"Let's go back a bit. You were part of a unit of Marines sent to Akuze to look for possible survivors of a team sent to investigate the planet. At least fifty of your unit died to a thresher maw attack, leaving you the only survivor…"

"No thanks to Cerberus," Kara cut in, the cybernetic implants causing her blue-grey eyes to momentarily glow an almost demonic red as anger coursed through her veins.

"You want to know about that attack? Look through your organization's fucking reports. Nice way to study how thresher maws act by setting them on a group of Marines. Yes, I survived, barely, by the seat of my pants. You think I don't mourn every life lost that day? I can't dwell on it though or it could screw me up and leave me unable to function. It made me stronger, and my hatred for Cerberus to break past boundaries I never knew existed."

"Alright, touchy subject I see. Now let's try something a bit more recent. According to our reports, during your time spent on Virmire, you left one of your own behind to die in the blast," Miranda began.

"A Lieutenant Ashley Williams stayed behind to detonate the bomb that eventually leveled a cloning facility Saren had been running…" Jacob began, stopping as Kara's hand made a cutting motion in the air.

"I'm well aware of what happened there. Again, another death that I live with and mourn. We weren't the best of friends, butted heads more often than not in regards to her inability to get along with the non-humans in my crew, but she was a fine soldier nonetheless. It wasn't a decision I made lightly, but the facility needed to be destroyed."

"We agree with your decision," he sighed, uncomfortable with all the poking him and Miranda were doing to the blond in front of him.

"Recent events. Two years ago you saved the Council during Sovereign's attack on the Citadel, sacrificing thousands of human lives. As a way to honor those who had fallen, the Council agreed to add a human to their ranks, nominated by you. Who did you choose?" Miranda's eyes bored into Kara's.

"Captain Anderson was the best choice. He cared nothing for politics, only about what was right and just. He didn't believe in ass kissing to get the job done, but wit and skill. Being military, he was the perfect voice in matters of combat if we needed to rally together and go to war. Not only that but he was a friend and someone I could trust. Ambassador Udina is nothing but a little weasel who needed to be taken down a notch or two."

"Satisfied, Miranda? I think we've done enough," Jacob sighed.

"There really are more tests I should run…"

"Fuck your tests. I feel fine," Kara grumbled, turning her head to stare out the window at the vastness of the space surrounding their small vessel. Realizing she would receive no more cooperation from the woman, Miranda tucked the data pad away, the cabin becoming eerily silent during the rest of the trip.

_/*\_

Kara fumed as her second meeting with the Illusive Man in less than a week left her with even more of a sour taste in her mouth. After their first encounter, she thought he had enough sense not to screw with her, but to send her off on a wild goose chase to confirm information he already had made her clench her hands into fists. Fighting the urge to hit something, she stood there and tried to use the calming breathing techniques that Dr. Chakwas had taught her when her anger threatened to overwhelm her. How dare the man ignore the fact that she'd already had a damned good team and tell her that two of her friends weren't trustworthy. Added to the mix was supposed to be some new flyboy who probably couldn't even make a ship turn as smoothly on a dime as Joker could, no matter the fact that this person was supposedly considered one of the best. They'd probably crack the ship in half just sending the FTL drives into motion. Sighing, the tension slowly draining away as the breathing exercise worked, she reached up to unwind her hair from its tight bun atop her head, letting the white blonde strands flow down to mid-back, her fingers stretching up to massage her scalp. Her lips quirked into a half smile as she thought back to the only good thing that had happened while on the scouting mission to Freedom's Progress. While her friend would be unable to join her in her mission to go after this new Collector threat, at least she'd been able to see Tali again.

"Hey Commander, just like old times, huh?" Joker said, his voice soft, speaking up only when he saw she had finally relaxed.

Kara spun on her heel and looked over at the man standing behind her, her mouth hanging open in shock.

"No way! You're with Cerberus now?"

"After the Normandy was lost, the Alliance grounded me so hell yeah I joined Cerberus! I can't believe you're alive, Commander. I saw you get spaced!"

"I got lucky… with a few strings attached," she sighed, hugging her arms around her middle as she followed Joker up the ramp and into the main room.

"You're walking better. No more crutches or braces I see," she commented, her eyes roving up to fixate on his backside and the way the muscles flexed beneath his uniform, unconsciously pulling her lower lip between her teeth as she admired the view.

"Implants. It's not a perfect fix but I won't shatter as easily now," he grinned, flushing a bit as he noticed where Kara was staring and the intent look on her face while doing so. She raised her gaze to his, her cheeks soon mirroring his, then sighed, leaning her forehead on the glass window in front of them as she stared down at the darkness below.

"I don't trust them. Not after all they've done, not after all I've learned."

"Hell, I don't trust anyone who makes more than me, but they're not all bad…" his voice quieted as he looked at her, "Saved your life… let me fly…"

"Saved my life but at what cost? I'm stuck working for them now. And… and they told me that I was on that table for two years. Two years, Joker! I still can't wrap my head around that. For me it's only been a week since we lost the Normandy but for everyone else…" her eyes bored into his, wide with panic. Her body began to flicker in and out of view as her increased distressed state activated her emotional need to want to hide and tried to manifest itself by triggering her cloaking ability. Without thinking, he reached out and grabbed her by the wrist, pulling her to him and wrapping his arms around her. Resting his cheek on the top of her head, he closed his eyes as he felt her embrace him in return.

"You're real, Kara. I'm real. All of this is real. I'll get you up to speed with what I can, alright?"

"That's Commander Kara to you, flyboy," she murmured, relaxing as she calmed, the feel of her best friend's arms anchoring her to reality the stabilizer she needed.

"Yes ma'am, Commander Kara, ma'am," he smirked, taking a step back and reaching up to readjust his cap.

"Smart-ass," she grumbled, though her lips quirked as she looked at him.

"That's Flight Lieutenant Smart-Ass to you, Commander Kara," he deadpanned, then grinned as she let loose with a gust bursting laugh.

"Gods, I've missed you, Joker. This new team I've been assigned to put together… how many of them do you think we'll send running home crying to mama within a week after they've dealt with the two of us?" she grinned, looking up at him.

"If we get up to even half the shit the two of us pulled on the old Normandy, all of them," he chuckled.

"As you like to say, it might not be all sunshine and bunnies, but at least it's a start."

"Damn straight! And here's a bit of whipped topping to go along with it. They just told me about it last night," he smirked, motioning to the bay below them that was slowly becoming illuminated. Kara stared at the ship that was revealed, her eyes flicking back and forth between it and the man beside her.

"You're shitting me, right?"

"Guess they've spent the last two years working on her as they have you," he answered.

"She'll need a name."

"I think I have the perfect one to commemorate all of our friends and comrades we lost before."

She nodded, understanding his train of thought, her hand reaching out to grab his as she stared at the new Normandy gleaming under the dome lights. His fingers laced with hers as they stood in silence, their thoughts on those lost but never forgotten.


	3. Confessions

Everything was bright, shiny, and new. Too new. The faces looking back at her as she made her way down the catwalk to the CIC were wrong. The only thing that was right was Joker in the pilot's seat as she glanced behind her, past Miranda and Jacob, to see him watching her. Offering him up a slight smile, she tuned back into her surroundings as they entered the CIC proper.

"Our first order of business should be picking up Mordin Solus, the salarian scientist. If the Collectors are using biological technology in their attacks, we'll need someone like him," Miranda stated as Kara studied the layout of the CIC. Ignoring the woman for a moment, she walked around the room, stopping where Pressly's station would have been. Even with the changes that had been made, including an elevator where the Ready Room should have been, she could picture the man so clearly. They had butted heads over the increased number of non-humans in her crew, but they had respected each other. Any time she left the ship, she knew it would be in good hands when he took over as acting XO.

"Shepard, did you hear me?" Miranda asked, irritation lacing her tone.

"Yes, I heard you. I'm not deaf," Kara muttered as she turned around to face the pair.

"As it happens, I agree with you. We have no chance of succeeding against the Collectors without the proper countermeasures. Before I have Joker set any specific course, though, I plan on going over the dossiers, or do you have a problem with that?" she glared at the brunette.

"No, no problem, Shepard," Miranda put her hands up, palms outward, as she took a step back.

"Acquiring Professor Solus seems like an ideal place to begin," a synthetic female voice said from a holo-globe.

"What the fuck?" Kara narrowed her eyes at the hologram.

"The crew call her EDI. She's the ship's AI," Jacob answered.

"Shit, just what I need. And helmsmen don't like having someone taking control out from under them, _especially_Joker. This is going to cause more grief than it's worth."

"I do not have access to the Normandy's controls. I am in charge of the ship's defense systems. Mr. Moreau's talents will not be wasted," the voice stated.

"Are there any other nasty surprises I should watch out for?" Kara snarled the moment the holo-globe disappeared from the control bank.

"That should be it, Commander," Jacob said, slowly backing away from her.

"Jacob and I should return to our posts. Find us if you have any questions," Miranda replied, though her body language expressly stated that she hoped Shepard wouldn't even think of approaching either one of them. As the two made quick work of leaving her alone, Kara made her way around toward the platform access to the galaxy map.

"Commander Shepard?"

Sighing, Kara looked over at the redhead stationed next to the map.

"Yes?"

"I'm Yeoman Kelly Chambers. I'll be keeping you informed of any new messages…" she trailed off as her message center beeped, quickly checking it before looking back at Kara.

"When you have a moment, Joker would like to see you in the cockpit," Kelly stated. Blue-grey eyes bored into the younger woman's as the Commander stiffened slightly.

"Are you saying that if any of the crew need to speak with me, they have to go through you first? Not only that, but you think you have the right to poke around my messages just to let me know that I might have something waiting for me? By the gods I really miss the VI from the old Normandy…"

"N-No! That's not it at all! I'm also here to keep an eye on the crew and let you know if problems arise. I have a degree in psychology and with what we're up against, it could snap the minds of those who might not be mentally strong enough to deal with the stress. That's why I'm here. That's why Cerberus picked me."

"Two things, Kelly, two things. One - if anyone in my crew, especially Joker, needs me then they can contact me personally. They shouldn't feel like they have to leave a message or take a number. It makes me look inaccessible and I've always had an open door policy with all of those who serve under me. Two - I can read my own damned messages. I don't need someone telling me to check them. I did just fine on the old Normandy and I'm sure I haven't lost my touch. Got me?" her posture was deceptively relaxed as she leaned against the railing leading up to the map, her arms folded over her chest, as she stared down the Yeoman.

"Yes, Commander," the woman sighed.

"One last thing. Don't ever try to use that degree against me. Even the Alliance shrinks learned that I don't share well with others," she smirked, straightening and dismissing the woman as she strode toward the cockpit. The moment she entered Joker's domain, he swiveled around to face her, a big grin on his face.

"Can you believe this, Commander? It's my baby, better than new! Fits like a glove! And the seats… real leather! The Alliance may set the standard for hardware, but this is civilian sector comfort by design."

"The reproduction wasn't meant to be perfect though seamless improvements were made," EDI's voice filtered out from yet another holo-globe.

"And there's the downside. I liked the Normandy when she was beautiful and quiet. Now she has this thing that's like ship cancer," Joker frowned.

"And you wonder why I don't trust them," Kara chuckled.

"Yeah, I know. Hard to trust someone who uses an AI to spy on you. But we're staying right? I mean this seat is real leather!"

"Glad to see you're keeping things in perspective, Joker," she grinned.

"Uhhh, leather!" he smirked, swiveling back around to man the controls.

"So where are we headed, Commander?" he asked, watching her from the corner of his eye as she stepped over to stare out of one of the windows into the vast expanse beyond.

"I want to check my messages and look over the dossiers before I make any decisions."

"Take your time. I'm just glad to be back at the helm of my baby again, even if she's not as quiet as she used to be."

"Seeing you up here is the only thing about this Normandy that feels right. The faces are wrong, the layout is a bit off, and by the gods they have a fucking shrink acting as my assistant. A shrink! And just like I told her, if you need to get a hold of me for any reason, do it. You don't need to go through Ms. Chambers," Kara sighed then turned to look at the man who'd always been by her side.

"For any reason at all? What if I wanted to ask you to pick me up a hamburger made from a real cow, with horseradish, on your next trip? Or ask for a sane person to keep me company up here instead of that annoying AI?" he joked.

"Even then, though the day you ask for company is the day I send a doctor up here to look you over."

"Hey, there are some times I don't mind being around people, depending on who they are. Now, since you seem so hell bent on hiding up here with me, why don't you take one of the spare terminals and do whatever you need to do so I don't feel like you're being all sneaky with watching me."

"I don't need to sneak around to watch you, Joker," she said as she settled into one of the terminals behind him, "I mean, this is my ship so I can go where ever I please."

"Just as long as you stay out of the men's head, especially when I'm in there," he laughed.

"Damn, there goes my nefarious plan to get you alone in the men's restroom and have my way with you," she sighed dramatically, while her eyes scanned the numerous messages in front of her. Joker turned his head and stared at her, frowning slightly at the flush he felt creeping up his neck toward his face. As he opened his mouth to speak, she turned to him with a worried expression creasing her brow.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked.

"Anderson knows I'm alive and wants to see me," she answered. He recognized and understood her concerns at seeing their old captain, the reason for them having to do with the symbol emblazoned on the Normandy and most of its crew.

"You're afraid that he'll brand you a traitor the moment he realizes you're working with Cerberus, aren't you?"

Kara nodded, the only outward sign of her nerves was the slight trembling of her hand as she ran it through her hair.

"He knows you, Commander. He knows you wouldn't be here unless it were for a good reason."

"Yeah, I know, but I still feel like I'm kinda letting him down, y'know?"

"I get ya. He wasn't too happy with my decision, but he understood it."

She nodded and stood, walking over to plant her backside up on EDI's terminal.

"You know she won't be happy with getting that close of a view of your ass, Commander."

"She can deal. Do me a favor, will you, Joker? Set a course for the Citadel. That's our first stop. When we're done there, then we can head out to Omega."

He nodded and relaxed back against his chair as he input the coordinates.

"If it were anyone else up here, watching me, I'd have kicked them out by now you know."

"Mmhmm, but I'm too sweet and adorable to boot out of here."

"I'll let you keep thinking that," he smirked, then grinned as he heard her answering laugh.

_/*\_

"Gods, you'd think I wasn't even allowed to take a piss by myself," Kara muttered as she reboarded the ship, taking an immediate left to stand beside Joker as he pulled them out of port.

"What's that, Commander?"

"Miranda and Jacob wouldn't even let me see Anderson on my own. What am I, some child who needs to be watched every hour of the day?"

"I don't know what's worse - you being stuck with them or me having to deal with the _thing_. So, how did it go?"

"I ended up walking into a meeting with the Council…"

"Oh shit."

"If Anderson hadn't been there, oh shit would have been about right. They were thinking of charging me with treason but we talked them out of it and I've been reinstated as a Spectre, as long as I stay out in the Terminus systems and keep my time with Cerberus short and sweet," she sighed.

"Anything else?"

"Understandably, Anderson can't really offer any help or support because of who I'm working with. Otherwise, I don't think I've had someone hug me so hard the entire time I've been alive. He… he considers me a daughter…" Kara looked at Joker, the sheen in her eyes showing him how deeply Anderson's words had affected her.

"Yeah, he said as much the day he came over to my apartment to snap me out of my funk," Joker murmured, turning to focus his attention back on the controls.

"Your funk? What do you mean?"

"Can we talk about that later, Commander? Pulling out of here isn't exactly an easy maneuver with the mass quantities of traffic, and you wanted to make headway toward Omega," he stated, his voice emotionless as he swallowed back the embarrassment of what he had become during his time without her.

"Oh, ahhh, all right. I'll umm… I'll be in my cabin going over the dossiers again…" she stuttered, backing away from his chair before turning around and striding quickly toward the elevator.

"Could you have been anymore of an ass, Joker?" he bitched at himself, having heard the confusion in Kara's voice.

"Your vitals aren't conducive to executing the commands required to take us out of port, Mr. Moreau. Sensors indicate that your respiratory rate has increased, as well as your blood pressure. It also seems as though a good portion of blood flow is pooling in your…"

"Shut it, EDI! I know damn well where my blood is pooling, thank you very much! If you don't mind, I have a job I need to do," Joker snapped, maneuvering the Normandy through a hairpin curve to bring it into the required lane of traffic to exit the station.

"My databanks also suggest that flowers are a good gift of apology from a man to a woman."

"EDI, I'm going to permanently mute you if you don't shut up."

"You do not have the proper access codes necessary to remove my speech capabilities, Mr. Moreau," EDI replied.

"Fuck," he growled, slamming his finger down on the mute button prior to inputting the necessary information into the ship's navigation systems to set them on their course.

_/*\_

Joker shifted nervously from foot to foot as he waited for the elevator to ascend to the next level. The moment the doors opened on the Commander's floor, he stepped out and, before he lost his nerve, pressed the speaker button near the entry console.

"Hey, Commander, do you have a moment?"

"C'mon in, Joker," her voice sounded tinny through the speaker. As she spoke, the door split apart, allowing him entrance.

"Make yourself comfortable. I'll be back out in a second," she said through the bathroom door.

His eyes took in the soothing blue glow from the massive fishtank on his left side, though out of curiosity he walked over to her desk to check on something that had caught his eye the moment he had entered her room. His heart warmed as he saw the picture she had goaded him into letting her take of him, sitting where she could see it no matter which terminal she might be working from. Not wanting to be caught snooping, he quickly hobbled down the stairs and tried to make himself as comfortable as possible on the couch in the corner.

"Sorry for the wait. You caught me as I was finishing up my shower," her voice held a slight tremor as she looked at him, her toes curling over the edge of the top stair. She looked surprisingly vulnerable and he wasn't sure if it was because she wasn't in her usual civs, but instead was clad in a slightly baggy t-shirt and shorts, her hair in damp strands around her face. Perhaps it had something to do with the way he spoke to her earlier. He didn't know, but either way it made him feel a bit uncomfortable.

"It's no problem, Commander," he said, turning to stare at the floor between his feet.

"I, umm, got something for you while I was on the Citadel…"

"You didn't have to do that."

"I know, but I wanted to. Here."

He looked up and took the wrapped package, slowly removing the paper to unearth a model of the original Normandy.

"I know how much she meant to you. She meant just as much to me. I know you like to work with models so I hope you like it."

"Kara… Commander… I don't know what to say other than thank you," he looked at her while his hands touched the box with reverence. She walked over to the couch and curled up beside him, tucking her legs up beneath her as she turned to look at him.

"You're welcome," she smiled.

"I wanted to apologize for earlier…" he began, stopping when she shook her head.

"There's no need to apologize. I was prying where I shouldn't have."

"No… you should know. When you died, everything just fell apart. The Alliance didn't like all the non-humans in your crew and the next thing I knew, everyone was split up, they were debunking our fight against Sovereign as just another battle with the geth and not a reaper, I got grounded and Alenko got promoted. My superiors kept coming up with different excuses about why they wouldn't let me fly and between that and losing you… I went to a bad place. I stopped taking care of myself, started drinking… and Anderson came to see me after I'd missed a number of my treatments for the Vrolik's."

"Oh, Joker…"

"Anderson got me up off my ass and Cerberus offered me a chance to continue our fight because you made me believe in serving the greater good. When I saw you lying on that table, I made myself a promise," he turned to look at her.

"What was that?"

"One that I haven't kept until now. I promised that I wouldn't keep what I felt hidden anymore…" his eyes locked on hers, "Even if you don't feel the same, and that's ok because I understand not everyone would want to be with someone who breaks easily, but I fell in love with you when we were on the old Normandy. I knew I liked you before, but I realized I loved you when everyone thought that a chunk of Sovereign had killed you…"

Kara placed a finger lightly over Joker's lips, making a soft shushing noise, to quiet his rambling. Blue-grey met green as she leaned forward, removing her finger and replacing it with her mouth. Her kiss was gentle, her eyes fluttering closed when she was rewarded by the tease of his tongue and light nips of his teeth as he got over his shock. Pulling back before it became too intense, she smiled at him.

"You were the constant in my life. You understood me when no one else did. You were in my dreams as I was coming back from death. My heart broke when I believed I'd never have a chance to tell you, the moment the blast spun me away from the ship after I'd sent you on your way, that I loved you..."

"What do we do now?"

"I don't know. I've never really been in a relationship before. I mean yeah, I screwed around, but I'd never actually committed myself to someone, and then I enlisted and you know as well as I do how the Alliance feels about having relations with someone under your command. This is Cerberus though and they don't have rules against fraternization."

"Well at least I won't have to go through the awkward 'meet the parents' stage with you," Joker grinned. Kara laughed, tucking her body up against his.

"That's one good thing about growing up an orphan, I guess. We can just play this by ear, y'know. See where it goes?"

"Works for me."

"Me too."


	4. And It Finally Begins

Joker stared out into the vast expanse of space, keeping a partial eye on the control systems, as the Normandy traveled toward Omega. Even though he'd held the box of the Normandy model in his hands, he still had a hard time wrapping his head around the events that happened afterward, half believing that everything after receiving the gift had been a dream. A damned good dream, but a dream nonetheless. On the off-chance that it had been real, he was already coming up with scenarios to try and talk Kara into giving the crew a day's leave back at the Citadel so he could take her out on a date. Suddenly struck with nerves over the idea, he wiped his sweaty palms on the legs of his uniform.

"Hey Joker," the voice of the woman he'd been thinking of snuck up behind him.

"So, come here too often?" he joked through the sudden lump in his throat.

"EDI probably thinks so," Kara grinned as she situated herself within Joker's field of vision. Crossing her legs, she leaned back a bit, watching him as she pulled her hair back into its customary tight bun on the top of her head.

"Yeah, well, try finding something that doesn't put a bug up her ass," he grumbled, turning away from Kara momentarily to input a few commands into the console.

"My programming is error free. There are no bugs in the system, nor do I have an ass for them to crawl up into, Mr. Moreau," the AI responded. Joker rolled his eyes and silently mimicked her words to Kara as the AI spoke. Shepard's blue-grey orbs sparkled with mischief as she watched him.

"I'm sure I could find a way to add some for your pleasure, EDI," he said.

"No sabotage, Joker," Kara snickered.

"I know. No breaking the boss' toys," he sighed.

"How much longer to Omega?"

"We just exited their relay right before you arrived so I'd say approximately… holy shit! Talk about a natural defense system. These meteors are going to be a bitch to navigate through."

The both of them stared at the minefield of rock and other debris that surrounded the Omega station, Joker's fingers flying over the command console as he expertly and safely maneuvered them through to the docking station.

"Guess that answers that question," Kara said.

"I don't know what's worse - coming through here or knowing I have to fly us right back out of it when we're done here."

"And knowing our luck, we'll probably end up having to return at least one more time before the Collectors are defeated."

"Well aren't you just a ray of sunshine, Commander," he groaned at the thought.

"You want a ray of sunshine? Try this," she leaned down until her face was mere breaths from his, her eyes focused on his for a moment before she continued forward, her mouth pressing softly against his. Their lips clung to each other, his hand sliding into her hair as he held her close. Her eyes looked almost sad as she slowly pulled away.

"It's nice to finally be able to do that. I wish I didn't have to go because I'd love to just lose myself in you," her voice was soft as she spoke.

"And here I'd almost convinced myself that what happened earlier was just a dream, because nothing goes right for me like that. Glad to see I was wrong for once," he said, letting out a shuddering breath. Her answering smile was almost shy as she reached out to touch his cheek. He watched her as she walked away from him, his heart pounding from the effects of the kiss and the sight her body made in her N7 armor, the way it hugged her curves even with her weapons snug in their holsters.

_/*\_

The first thing that came to Kara's mind when she stepped foot onto the station was dingy. The second was that she wanted a bath and she hadn't been outside the Normandy's airlock for more than a minute. It definitely had the look and feel of a place that was home to mainly mercenaries and thugs - worn and run down. Her hand rested lightly on her M-5 Phalanx just in case she needed to draw it quickly. Her footfalls, along with Jacob and Miranda's, echoed lightly around them as they continued down the corridor. Halfway down, they were stopped in their tracks by an energetic and highly nervous salarian.

"Welcome to Omega. You're new here, aren't you? I can always tell. Allow me to…" he began, stopping as a batarian approached the group.

"Oh, hello Moklan! I was just…"

"Leave, Fargut, now," the batarian ordered.

"Of course, Moklan! Whatever she wants!" the salarian exclaimed, practically running away from the group.

"Blasted scavengers. Welcome to Omega… Shepard."

"You know who I am?" Kara asked, a brow quirked in response, her fingers tightening on her pistol.

"Of course. We had you tagged the moment you entered the Terminus Systems. You're not as subtle as you think. Aria wants to know what brings a dead spectre to Omega. I suggest you go to Afterlife now and present yourself."

"Cut the attitude. I'm not here to cause problems for Omega," she narrowed her eyes at Moklan, her body stiffening and her spine straightening even more than it had been.

"Things explode around you, Shepard. You can't blame Aria for keeping an eye on you. Afterlife. Now."

"Gods, could he have that stick shoved any further up his ass?" she grumbled as the batarian stalked off.

"From what I've heard of Aria T'Loak, we're lucky all she did was request our presence and not have us dragged in front of her," Miranda replied.

"Lovely. Let's get this show on the road then," she said, continuing down the long walkway.

"I'm receiving quarantine warnings about the slums where Dr. Mordin Solus runs the clinic. Anticipate resistance at the transport system. I have also accessed messages between mercenary groups regarding plans to deal with Archangel. There is a recruiting station at Afterlife that may have information on him," EDI's voice stated through the comm. system in Kara's helm.

"Thanks, EDI," she sighed at the information, "This just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it? And here I was hoping to conserve ammo for once."

Information in hand, the group made their way toward the entrance into Omega from the docking area, Kara stopping and holding up a hand as she watched the man at the end of the hallway trying to beat a batarian into submission. As they got closer, she studied what little of the face she was able to see, comparing it to the photos submitted with the dossiers she had been going over.

"Please, help me," the batarian groaned.

"No one said you could talk, jackass," the man snarled as he kicked at the body on the floor.

"You Zaeed Massani?"

"Yeah, that's me. I hear we have a galaxy to save," he replied, turning to look at her. The face staring back at her was interesting, a scar covering the majority of the right side, the eye noticeably fake. The symbol on his neck looked familiar and would bug her until she figured it out.

"You know what's going down?"

"I've done my homework. Cerberus sent me all the information I needed to know."

"What's a merc like you doing with an organization like Cerberus?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest as she watched the man in front of her.

"Easy. Cerberus is paying me a lot of money to help you on your mission. That's the long and short."

"Interesting. Even for credits I couldn't imagine someone like you just up and volunteering for a suicide mission."

"Most don't get an offer like the one your organization sent me. It doesn't sound like good business but your Illusive Man can move a shit load of credits."

"Huh. Well I'll see you on the Normandy when you're finished dealing with your little problem, all right?" Kara said, looking between him and the batarian.

"Did the Illusive Man tell you about our little arrangement?"

"Nope, not a clue. Your arrangement with him isn't the first he's neglected to include in the dossier. I think that asshole likes keeping me off balance."

"I picked up a job right before I signed on with Cerberus. Thought you might be interested. It concerns a Vido Santiago, head of the Blue Suns, runs the whole damned organization. He recently captured an Eldfell-Ashland refinery on Zorya and is using the workers for slave labor. The company wants it dealt with."

"Sign me up, Zaeed. We'll take care of it."

"Good. Get it out of the way so we can be big goddamn heroes. Now I've gotta go turn this thing in before it starts to stink. I'll be locked and loaded when you're ready to get some killing done," Zaeed nodded to her as he walked away, focusing his attention on the batarian that had tried to run.

"I think I'm gonna like him," she grinned, a bit of a spring in her step as they headed toward Afterlife.

_/*\_

The noise was deafening. The lighting was enough to give her the beginnings of a headache. How anyone could enjoy a place like this was beyond her, but then again the only difference between Afterlife and Chora's Den, that she could see, was the size and its location. So far, the only highlight of her time in the club was the one moment where Aria had seemed to enjoy Kara's smart assed remark as she told the batarian guard that if he continued to try and scan her, he'd soon be scanning the inside of his colon. The woman was a bitch, no getting around it. While Aria's rule might be to not fuck with her, if the asari made any move to try and start shit with Shepard, she'd soon learn that the same rule applied to the human woman as well.

"Gods I'm glad to be out of that place," Kara groaned, holding her head, the moment they stepped out of the club.

"A bit loud, wasn't it?" Jacob stated, shaking his head as he tried to get rid of the ringing in his ears due to the massive sound within the structure.

"That's the understatement of the century," Kara retorted, a slight grin curving her lips as she looked at him.

"So, what's the plan, Shepard?" Miranda turned to Kara.

"I say we leave the doctor to assist with his patients a little while longer. It sounds as if Archangel might not last too much longer in his position if we don't get a move on right now.

"Agreed, Shepard. Ugh, what is it with this place? Every time I've had to visit Omega I feel as though I need a shower afterward to cleanse myself of its filth," the woman complained.

"I plan on spending no less than an hour in mine once I get back to the ship. Let's hit the markets quick before heading out in case there's something we can use. Anything that can get us through this quickly and away from this dump would be worth the time and money spent," she replied, her steps swift as she took off in the direction the signs pointed. The group spent as little time as they could, quickly picking up the couplings that the engineers requested as well as helping the quarian stuck on the station. Kara still crowed over the upgrades to her sniper rifle, as well as the visor she was able to pick up.

"I swear, this will not only help me with my aim, but it looks like a human version of the one my turian friend Garrus wears. Damn, I miss that guy," she said as they traveled across the platform toward the transportation hub.

"Good friend, I take it?" Jacob asked as they neared the driver.

"Him, Tali, Wrex, and Joker were my best friends on the old Normandy. The shit we used to get up to…" she chuckled, shaking her head. She cut her laughter off immediately as their escort looked up at them.

"We're on the team, told to talk to you," she said to the batarian.

"Get in. I'll fill you in on what I know on the way there," he replied.

_/*\_

So far, so good. A datapad filled with information that Aria might find interesting had been snatched up, mechs had been reprogrammed, and Cathka had been stopped from continuing the repairs on the gunship that the Blue Suns had entertained on using against the turian vigilante. She hadn't even met him yet, but already Kara felt a kinship with the one intent on putting down as many of the mercs as he could. The freelancers that had been hired were surprisingly easy to take down, though perhaps it shouldn't surprise her since the recruiter didn't seem to care about the quality of the hirelings, only that they be used as a distraction, cannon fodder per se, while the 'real work' went on behind the scenes. She frowned slightly at the shots she had taken from Archangel, already feeling the bruising under her skin from where the rounds had hit her armor. Unsure of what they would find as they entered the room he had stationed himself in, she kept her gun at the ready.

"Archangel?"

She watched as he lined up a shot through the scope of his sniper rifle. As soon as he had fired, after making sure he had hit the target, he turned toward her, his movements slow. Removing his helmet, the two stared at each other in shock.

"Shepard. I thought you were dead!"

"Garrus! What are you doing here?" Kara asked, rushing up to her old friend, wrapping her arms around his waist as she gave him a tight hug.

"Ok, bad idea, that. Squashing my cheek against hard metal is not exactly the most comfortable way to greet an old friend," she grinned. Garrus chuckled in response, his hand lifting to rest almost reverently on Kara's shoulder.

"Just keeping my skills sharp and doing a little target practice," he quipped.

"You ok?" she asked, stepping back so she could get a good look at him.

"Been better. It sure is good to see a friendly face. Killing mercs is hard work, especially on my own."

"What're you doing out here on Omega?"

"I got fed up with all the bureaucratic crap on the Citadel. Figured I could do more good on my own. At least it's not hard to find criminals here. All I have to do is point my gun and shoot."

Kara sighed and shook her head, laughing softly.

"How'd you manage to piss off every major merc organization in the Terminus Systems?"

"It wasn't easy. I _really_had to work at it. I'm amazed that they teamed up to fight me. They really must hate me."

"Since when did you start calling yourself Archangel?" Her lips trembled as she fought to control a grin.

"It's a name that the locals gave me for my good deeds, and while I don't mind it, please, it's just Garrus to you," he replied, ducking his head shyly.

"You nailed me good a couple of times, by the way."

"Concussive rounds only. Didn't want the mercs to get suspicious."

"Uh huh," she grinned up at him.

"Shepard, if I wanted to do more than take down your shields, I'd have done it. Besides, you were taking your sweet time. I needed to get you moving."

"Commander, it looks as if more are coming this way. We might want to stop the chatter and try to take them out," Jacob interrupted.

"Let's have a look at what they're up to," Garrus said, pulling out his sniper rifle and scoping the area out.

"Hmm, looks like they know their infiltration team failed. Take a look. Scouts, Eclipse I think."

Kara took his rifle, her eyes zeroing in on the movement below through the scope. Catching a LOKI mech in her sights, she pulled the trigger, blowing its head to bits.

"More than scouts. One less now though."

"Indeed. We'd better get ready. I'll be fine up here. You… you do what you do best."

Kara grinned, ordering the other two down below to take out as many as they could as she took up a station near Garrus, pulling her own Incisor out and focusing on the mercs trying to move in. The battle was short and sweet, even when the head of this band came through. After an explosion rocked the area, and listening to a short explanation from Garrus, she left Jacob with her friend as her and Miranda took care of locking the base down tight. As they returned to the upper levels, she quickly took out each of the Blood Pack mercs that had snuck in, one by one, until they were left with Garm. Even with her enhanced tech abilities, thanks to Cerberus, beads of sweat still dotted her brow as she alternated between incinerating and shooting the beast of a krogan.

"Damn, he regenerates health quick," she gasped, collapsing back against one of the couches.

"I almost took him down once before until his vorcha showed up. I've never seen a krogan regen as fast as he does. Thanks for helping me take him down, Shepard."

"Not a problem, Garrus. You'd do the same for me if I were in a similar situation."

"Damn straight."

The group sat up straight as the whirring sound of rotors filled the air and the outline of a gunship came closer to the building.

"Damnit, I thought I had taken that thing out. Too bad they repaired it."

"Not as well as they had planned. I kept them from finishing."

While she knew they had won the battle, her memories grew fuzzy the moment Tarak had gunned down Garrus.

_/*\_

Kara paced the length of the board room, her arms wrapped tight around her waist as she waited for information in regards to Garrus's condition.

"I know I always said that Garrus had a stick up his ass, but I know how good of a friend he is to you so I hope he lives through this, Kara," Joker's voice filtered into the room.

"Thanks, hon. If he pulls through this, things might finally feel a bit more normal with two of my original crew back with me - you and him…" she trailed off as Jacob entered the room.

"Swing up here when you find out how he's doing, all right?"

"Will do, Joker."

"Commander…"

"Jacob…"

"We've done what we could for Garrus but he took a bad hit. The docs corrected with surgical procedures and some cybernetics. Best we can tell, he'll have full functionality, but…" Jacob trailed off as the door slid open, Garrus peeking in to look at the two of them.

"Shepard."

"Tough son of a bitch, didn't think he'd be up yet," Jacob stared at the turian in surprise while Kara grinned at her friend.

"Nobody would give me a mirror. How bad does it look?"

"Hell, Garrus, you were always ugly. Slap some face paint on there and no one will ever notice," she smirked.

"Ahh, don't make me laugh, damn it! My face is barely holding together as it is," he chuckled, then shook his head. "Some women like facial scars… mind you those women are usually krogan…" he trailed off as Jacob left the room.

"Frankly, I'm more concerned about you. I've heard bad things about Cerberus these past few years."

Kara leaned her elbows on the table and rested her head in her hands as she sighed. Her shoulders slumped as much as they could in the position she stood and her voice was quiet as she replied.

"That's why I'm glad you're here, Garrus. If I'm walking into hell, I want someone I can trust at my side."

"You do realize that your little plan has me walking into hell too? Heh, just like old times."

She turned her head to look at him, her smile a bit sad.

"I miss those old times. Nothing feels right anymore. The crew is different, the ship is different, I've been resurrected to destroy these Collectors. Having you here helps, and… well Joker and I are… together…"

"About damned time, I say. You two were tiptoeing around each other during the last few months after Sovereign was destroyed."

"Gods, did everyone know about how we felt for each other?"

"Pretty much… well all except for Alenko. Then again the only thing he could see was you and was quite oblivious to the fact that dreams were as close to a relationship with you that he'd ever get. Well I'd better get some rest and let this heal up a bit more. I've… missed you, Shepard."

"Get going, you stubborn bastard," she retorted, though her smile was warm as she looked at Garrus. Groaning as he grinned back, he left the room and disappeared down the hall. Stepping out of the room she slowly walked past the different control stations as she approached Joker's chair. Having Garrus back made her happy but also brought home more strongly the changes that had happened since the original Normandy's demise two years prior. The fact that life had gone on around her during that time, that she had experienced nothing other than dreams, depressed her more than she was willing to admit.

"Kara?" Joker's voice was quiet as she approached him, sensing that something was off.

"He'll be ok. He'll regain full functionality but just have to live with scarring for the rest of his life."

"That's not what's bothering you though."

"It's finally hitting me how long I've been gone… how much has changed while I was out of it," she replied, her eyes focused on the floor as she took up her normal spot next to his chair. Swiveling to face her, he maneuvered himself in the chair to pull her down in front of him before turning her face towards his and forcing her to look at him.

"Yeah, a lot happened, but we're pulling back together. You have Garrus on board again, and you have me. "

"Thank the gods," she murmured, burying her face in the crook of his neck and wrapping her arms around him.

"It might be early on in the mission, but what do you say to taking a day off, heading back to the Citadel, and letting me take you out to eat or something?"

"Might not be a bad idea. Give me something to focus on other than the shit going on in my head and allow Garrus more time to heal. The salarian scientist will just have to wait," her voice was muffled against his skin. Tucking her a bit closer to him, he reached around her to power up the Normandy and pull them out of dock. Expertly avoiding the meteors, even with Kara in his arms, he set a course for the nearest relay, shooting them back toward Citadel space.

"It takes skill to bank a ship with a woman in my arms. Don't think it doesn't," he joked quietly as she calmed down.

"Done this often?"

"Nope, first time. Easier banking in a vacuum, actually. I have more use of my arms then."

He let out a silent sigh of relief as a smile curved her lips, even with how slight it was, then leaned back in his chair and wrapped his arms around her as he let the ship follow the commands he had input into its system. The two of them watched the stars fly past, the AI surprisingly silent for once.


	5. Two Years!

To say that the crew was ecstatic over the two day shore leave Kara had given them on the Citadel would be an understatement. Miranda just shook her head at Shepard and went back to her office while it seemed that Jacob had a bit of an understanding for the reason behind it, even though nothing had ever been said to him. The moment the ship had docked, the crew spilled out onto the bay, some wandering off in pairs, others in groups, all chatting happily.

"You know, Commander, if you ever want to talk…" Kelly began as she stepped up beside Kara on her way out, stopping at the narrowing of eyes and the snarl that came from the blond.

"Ahhh, right. Never mind!" she chirped as she skipped off the platform, leaving Kara staring at her and baring her teeth.

"You remind me of a female turian about to head off to war, Shepard," Garrus said, her eyes snapping up to his as he brought her out of her mood and instead reduced her to chuckles.

"I don't know whether I should take that as a compliment or feel insulted, Vakarian," she grinned.

"You're fierce, you don't take anyone else's shit, and your enemies quake in your path. I'd consider it a compliment," he retorted. "By the way, you're not doing all this for my benefit, are you? Giving everyone shore leave to hide the fact that you're actually giving a friend more time to heal?"

"It's a side benefit for you, but no, it's more to heal me," she replied as she looked up at him, her eyes haunted.

"What do you mean?"

"It's been only a few weeks now since I woke up in the Cerberus facility and told I was dead for two years. Two years, Garrus! I look around me and so much has changed, friends moved on with their lives, and the only reason I was brought back was to continue fighting the good fight against the Reapers. Everyone on the old Normandy was family but here… It's a lot to take in and there are times I just… I can't handle it. Joker suggested the shore leave hoping that having a few days without all this hanging over my head might help me clear it and to give us some time to spend together and learn how to be a couple."

"I see. Well if you ever need someone to talk to you know where to find me."

"Thanks Garrus, I appreciate it."

"You're family to me too, Shepard. Losing you broke something in all of us, so you're not alone in feeling a bit lost."

He patted her back as he headed back towards the main battery, leaving her standing alone in the CIC surrounded by the lonely beeping of the panels and the glow of the holo-Normandy. Tears leaked out of the corners of her eyes as she looked around, replacing the new faces with old in the vacant chairs. Joker found her curled up beneath the panel that would have been Pressly's, had it been the SR-1, her knees hugged tight to her chest and her eyes clamped tightly shut. With some difficulty he bent over and wiped his thumb lightly over the wetness covering her cheeks.

"Hey," he called out to her, his voice gentle.

"Am I only good at either scaring the piss out of people or fighting off big baddies? Is that the only reason I was rebuilt? Did they not care about me, but only about what I could do?" her voice was choked with tears.

"If they did, why me? Ash is dead and so's Pressly. My crew on Akuze was destroyed, thousands died here because of my decision to save the Council, and I couldn't even save myself on the SR-1. All I do is get people killed," she peered up at him from beneath the console, her eyes threatening to fill again.

"You've saved so many lives, Kara. The Illusive Man might see you as a tool to be used, but I see the person you are. Garrus is here for you, too. We care about you. Hell, I fell in love with you, remember?" he said, holding his hand out to her.

"Yeah, you're right," she sniffled, taking his hand as she crawled out from beneath the station she still considered the old navigator's, and stood. The moment she was on her feet, he pulled her close and tucked her head under his chin as he held her, the two of them just basking in the presence of the other.

"What a way to start our time together, huh? You finding me having a mental breakdown in the CIC," she laughed a bit tearily.

"You're human and you've been through a lot these past few weeks. They expected you to hit the ground running the moment you woke up. If anyone needed to break down, it's you," he replied, his hands rubbing slow circles over her back.

"Thank you. Now I, ahh, should probably think about packing and getting ready for our date and time away from the ship…"

"I left a box of things in your room. It's some stuff Anderson and I collected from your old apartment after everything happened… I held onto them," he blushed as she pulled back to look at him.

"I'm glad you did, whatever they are," she murmured, leaning up to kiss his cheek. "Not exactly sure what I should wear or pack, by the way."

"You should find some stuff in the box. It'll work for where we're going."

Nodding, she tightened her hold momentarily before slipping out of his embrace to head to her cabin.

_/*\_

Kara turned around and looked at herself in the mirror, reveling in the softness of her old and worn pair of jeans, washed to the point that they were a light blue, almost white. The knees had given way and were nothing but frayed holes. Paired with her boots and a black t-shirt that read "Genius by Birth, Slacker by Choice," she grinned at herself and felt some of the stress and tension leak away. She knew the people on the station would more than likely stare at her due to her attire, blue jeans being a rare and expensive find, but she was comfortable and Joker said that she would be fine for where ever they were going. Grabbing a duffel, she shoved her other pair along with basic essentials and another t-shirt into its deep expanse. Looking around her room to make sure she hadn't forgotten anything, she holstered her Phalanx against her hip and made her way back down to the CIC floor.

Joker watched her as she approached, his hands itching to grab onto the curves displayed by the snug pair of worn jeans Kara was wearing. The t-shirt gave him small glimpses of the flat expanse of her abdomen as she moved, exposing the honey toned skin.

"You're drooling, Joker," she grinned, reaching out to teasingly wipe at the corner of his mouth with the pad of her thumb. Rolling his eyes, a smirk on his lips, he reached over to unwind her hair, letting the white-blond strands flow free.

"That's better. Now I can do this…" he said, placing a matching SR2 ball cap on her head.

"Never thought you'd be the type to go for matching apparel," she chuckled watching him curiously as he took her bag from her, then held out his free hand for her to take. Catching her look, he grinned, ushering her out of the Normandy.

"Hey, mom taught me how to be a gentleman. I just never wanted to put any of my training to use until now. What do you have in this thing, by the way? Feather pillows? I was always told women over packed their shit but I'm wondering if you packed enough."

"I learned how to travel light when I was a kid," she replied and he groaned, smacking his palm against his forehead.

"Gosh, what an idiot I am. Sorry about that."

"Don't ever feel like you have to walk on eggshells around me, Jeff. This won't go far if we come across topics we're afraid to discuss with the other," she sighed, her eyes and voice serious.

"Yeah, you're right. I'm just kind of new to this whole relationship thing. Every time I tried to be with someone, it always had a bad ending, and usually because the woman was afraid of breaking me."

"And I grew up bouncing from home to home, never having stability, and sometimes dealing with foster fathers who'd rather try and use me for their own enjoyment. Between that and the shit I did with the Reds, you're the first person I haven't shied away from being in a relationship with."

His cheeks flushed a becoming shade of pink as they reached the rapid transit station. She grinned and leaned up to kiss his cheek quickly as he, with fumbling fingers, pressed in the code for their destination. She curled up beside him as the cab whizzed through the air, watching the buildings as they sped by. Her eyes were curious as they landed on him when the cab let them off in front of an apartment building.

"Anderson kept my apartment for me so I'd always have a place to come back to if I needed it. I, um, figured we could stay here overnight instead of heading back to the ship, so we could truly get away, y'know? I can sleep on the couch and let you have my room, or if you're not comfortable with this we can always go back to the ship when we're finished eating," he babbled, earning a soft laugh from the woman beside him.

"I'm fine with this arrangement, Joker."

"Oh, good. I just hope the cleaning service remembered to sweep and dust the place since I haven't been there for a while. At least I got my shit straight before I left, so it's not the dump it had been."

Not saying a word, Kara reached over and took his hand in hers, squeezing gently. Their eyes met and they smiled until she started giggling as her stomach chose that moment to growl.

"I think that's our cue to drop my stuff off at your loft and then head out for some food, don't you?"

"I think so," he grinned.

_/*\_

To most, the hole in the wall restaurant would be considered a dive. It was situated in an out of the way location and the majority of its few customers wouldn't exactly be people that most would feel comfortable around. It was clean, though, and the owner was a round, jolly man who shouted in delight the moment he saw Joker walking through the door. His eyes became as round as saucers as he recognized Kara from holo vids as the one who had defeated Saren and saved the Citadel. She grinned as the man hugged her tight, patting his back as he wept on her shoulder and thanked her for all she had done. Joker smirked at her from over the man's shoulder.

"It is such an honor to have you in my restaurant! Mi bella, but you are gorgeous! You have found yourself a strong, beautiful woman, Joker!" the man exclaimed as he ushered them to a table.

"I am Pasquale, the owner of this establishment and I shall serve you personally. Myself and the other chefs will create a meal that will make you moan with each bite. I have a bottle of a rare vintage red that I had been saving for a special occasion that you shall have as well!" he said, then scurried back to the kitchen, his smile wide.

"Well…" Kara began then trailed off as laughter overcame her.

"You sure made an impression," Joker grinned.

"I think he broke a rib," she giggled.

"Aww, guess I'll have to tend to you when we get back to my apartment."

"I guess you will," she grinned, the look in her eyes anything but innocent. He shifted a bit uncomfortably in his seat as his pants began to feel a bit tight at the look she was giving him. The sound of heavy footsteps broke their gaze and Kara smiled up at the man as he presented the bottle of wine, the waiter behind him brandishing two glasses. At the owner's nod, the waiter set down the glasses then took a step back as the bottle was uncorked and a small bit of wine poured into each glass for the two to sample. With it having been her one and only vice when she was with the Reds, Kara knew more about wine than others would have expected and brought the glass to her nose to sniff the bouquet. After a moment, she swirled the wine and took a small taste, letting it linger on her tongue for her to catch every nuance of the liquid, her eyes closing in pleasure as she swallowed.

"That is divine," she murmured, Pasquale's eyes lighting up as he then filled both glasses and set the bottle on the table, off to the side yet still between them.

"Wine connoisseur?" Joker asked.

"My weakness along with mint chocolate chip ice cream, chocolate chip cookies, beer, Italian food, and pizza," she grinned.

"I already knew of your weakness for Italian food. I found this place after I was grounded and it made me think of you so I became a regular until I ended up becoming a recluse…"

Her eyes softened and she reached out to take his hand in hers, squeezing it gently.

"Joker, you were always a recluse," she teased, earning a smile from him in response. He took their entwined hands and brought her knuckles to his lips, brushing them lightly over her skin. Her eyes darkened in response, the color making him think of dusky blue thunderheads. He flicked his tongue over a knuckle, tasting her, before setting their hands back down on the table. She let out a shuddering breath and unconsciously pulled her lower lip in between her teeth as she tried to control her body's response. She was saved from embarrassing herself as the owner brought out two plates of antipasto salad.

As she munched thoughtfully on her salad, Kara looked at the man sitting across from her.

"Question for you."

" 'Sup?"

"Why me? Especially since I distinctly remember you saying something on the SR-1, when you thought I returned Kaidan's feelings, that you'd never date crew cuz it could get messy."

"Yeah, I said that, didn't I? At the time, seeing the way he watched you just made something tighten in my chest, something I didn't want to acknowledge. And I'd dated someone on another ship I'd been on and damn did it get awkward when she decided she wanted, as she put it, a 'real man instead of a cripple'…" he stopped when he saw anger tighten Kara's face.

"Bitch," she muttered.

"Yeah. She tried to get into my pants after I got back to the Citadel, figuring that being the pilot who led the air charge to take down Sovereign made me worthy enough actually be with. She wasn't happy when I told her to find someone who cared," he stopped to take a bite of food, watching Kara and feeling all warm and fuzzy inside at her reactions.

"But then, even when I realized you weren't interested in Alenko, that thing with the other woman kept popping into my head and the thought that you might push me away, not wanting to be with someone you'd have to be careful with… well it kept me from saying anything. I also didn't want to be part of the line of men who were trying to catch your notice either, so I figured being your best friend was better than nothing."

"Ok, that explains why you didn't approach me, though damnit I wish you had. You're my best friend and more. I couldn't have done half the shit I did without knowing that you had my back either when I was on a mission or when I needed a shoulder after coming back on board. But why me?"

"You didn't treat me differently after you learned about my Vrolik's. You're strong in your beliefs, never backing down when shit got tough. You kept going. You cared about everyone on your team, respected them even if they disagreed with you more than they agreed. We were yours and we knew that you'd crack heads open if anyone tried to harm anyone on your team. You made us into a family. Who wouldn't love someone who would give their life for their crew, who had died trying to save them? That's why you, Kara."

Her eyes welled with tears as he spoke and she shoved her knuckles between her teeth, biting down, to keep from openly crying at the table. As a tear spilled free, he reached out to brush it away.

"Thank you," she said, her voice hoarse from the effort she exerted to keep the rest of the tears at bay. She was unable to look at Pasquale as he approached the table to remove their salad plates and present the large squares of pancetta and alfredo lasagna, her eyes fixated on Joker instead.

"Now it's my turn to ask why me," he said. Before she answered, Kara took a bite of the newest creation, doing exactly as Pasquale had said he'd make them do, and moaned at the flavors that burst on her tongue. Joker shuddered at the sound and quickly stuffed his own face, almost letting out a moan of his own.

"You were always there for me. You somehow could tell when I'd had a bad day and needed a shoulder. You're a smart-ass and could make me laugh when otherwise I'd want to scream and break shit. You cared just as much about the people on that ship as I did, even if you didn't show it, watching out for us whether we were in the air or groundside. You even risked your own life to try and maneuver a dying ship away from yet another attack to allow the escape pods a chance to get to safety. Why not you?"

He stopped midway through his lasagna as she finished speaking, his chest tightening with the emotions her words caused in him. What touched him most was her lack of commenting on how strong he was to work through his disease to become the man he was today, which other women had used on him.

"You're the first man I've truly wanted to be with, the only man I've ever loved," she whispered, soft enough that he almost didn't catch it.

The rest of the main course was finished in silence, both of them too full of emotion to be able to say a word. Wine glasses were emptied and the lasagna plates exchanged for empty ones as a plate of powdered sugar dusted cannolis was set in the middle.

"Gods those look incredible," Kara murmured, reaching out to grab one before Joker slapped her hand away. She yanked it back, raising a brow as she looked at him. Instead of answering, he picked one up and held it out to her. Catching on, she leaned forward, her smile mischievous as she first licked at the filling within before sucking an inch of the pastry into her mouth then biting down to truly experience the dessert. He sucked in a breath at her actions.

"I don't know about you, but how about we see if we can have these and the wine packed up to take back with us?" he asked.

"You read my mind," she purred.

Joker waved Pasquale over, the older man laughing knowingly as he patted the pilot on the shoulder and nodded at the request. He fidgeted in his chair while they waited, darting looks over at Kara as nerves hit him full force with what would happen once they got back to his apartment. Calming somewhat at the understanding look in her eyes, he paid the owner of the restaurant, giving him a hefty tip, as he took the bag with their goods and ushered Kara out of the restaurant.

_/*\_

His movements were slow and awkward as he walked to the kitchen to place the dessert and wine in the cooling unit, his nerves having exploded again the moment they entered his apartment. He stood there, his forehead against the hard shell of the unit, and tried to calm himself down. A gentle hand took the bag from his and he took a step back as she put their things away, shoving his own hands into the pockets of his jeans to hide their trembling. Her arms encircled his waist as she pressed herself up against him, her lips reaching for his, as she kissed him softly, then pulled back to look at him.

"I'm nervous too. I almost feel like a virgin again, because this will be the first time I've given all of myself to someone," her voice was soft, a fine tremor weaving through it. At her admission, he wrapped an arm around her waist and slid a hand over her cheek and into her hair as he leaned down to capture her lips with his, teasing them with tongue and teeth. He felt the answering shiver course through her body and moaned as she opened up to his kiss, entwining her tongue with his.

Warm skin that felt like satin slid under his palm as his hand found its way up underneath her shirt, pressing her body closer against him. As if in a slow dance, the two made their way into his room, neither willing to let go of the other. Kara gasped as she felt him deftly unclasp her bra one-handed, his tongue diving in further into her open mouth, her hands releasing him long enough to remove the offending garment from her body. His hands soon replaced the cloth, gentle yet teasing as they massaged her breasts, thumbs flicking over the tight buds of her nipples. She moaned at the contact of his skin against hers and yanked at his shirt, pulling it out from where it was tucked into his jeans, needing to touch him too.

Releasing her, Joker took a step back to pull his shirt up and over his head, knocking his cap off in the process, his eyes fixated on her as she did the same. His breath caught in his throat at the sight of her partially nude body, the muscles that flexed in her arms and slightly defined her abdomen, proving her strength wasn't just in spirit, but physical as well.

"Gods, you're ripped," he heard her whisper moments before he felt her hands sliding up his chest to his shoulders, then pressing her body tight against his, so she could devour his mouth again while enjoying the feel of skin against skin. He backed her up against the bed until the edge hit the back of her knees and caused her to tumble onto it, breaking her hold of him. Pulling a leg up, he unlaced her boot and tugged it off, then did the same to the other one, all the while she unfastened her jeans and began pushing them down her waist, leaving her in a lacy piece of something that almost made his eyes bug out of his head. While he was distracted, she stood and hopped out of her jeans, her hands reaching out to work on his and push them down his hips. Her eyes widened as she saw he was bare underneath and he grinned as he caught her stare, toeing off his shoes before stepping out of his jeans.

Kara crawled backwards on the bed until her head hit the pillows, watching Joker as he followed her, reminding her a bit of the vids she'd seen of predatory cats. Her heart hammered in her chest as she watched the surprising play of muscles sliding and bunching under his skin, giving promise to the strength he'd gained when he'd received the implants in his legs. Her eyes closed on a sigh as she felt his fingers lightly tease beneath the edge of her panties, her hips bucking up involuntarily the closer they got to her center. He let out a moan of his own as he felt how wet she was the moment he'd caressed her. Sinking a finger into her, he shuddered as she tightened around him and he heard how broken her breathing had become.

"More," she moaned, her legs opening wider for him. He inserted a second finger, the sounds she was making causing beads of sweat to break out on his forehead as he fought to keep from taking her like a madman. He brushed his thumb against the bud at the juncture of her thighs, her keening moan sending a shiver rippling through his body as she thrashed and bucked up against his hand. He pressed down a bit more firmly, rubbing it, as he thrust his fingers in and out of her. The emotions streaking across her face and the way she was reacting to his touch killed what was left of the nerves inside him. The moment the tips of his fingers hit the bundle of nerves inside her, she cried out, flying apart against him.

"Gods…" she whimpered, her hips still rolling against his hand.

"You're so beautiful," he murmured. Her eyes opened and she looked up at him, her smile a bit crooked. Latching her thumbs beneath her panties she slid them off, tightening herself around his fingers any time he tried to remove them.

"You sure learned how to press buttons quite well, flyboy," she gasped as he flicked his thumb against her clit again.

"Looks like my training came in handy," he retorted, grinning down at her.

"Handy… yes you are… and what wonderful hands to be 'handy' with," she chuckled, reaching up to pull him down for a hungry kiss. As his weight settled down on top of her, she reached down and gently took him in hand, guiding him into her. His moan vibrated deep in his chest as he felt her surround him. Her mouth trailed kisses over his cheeks then along and under his jaw, settling in the crook of his neck the moment he found his rhythm. His hands gripped her shoulders from beneath, using her for leverage as he pushed and pulled himself in and out of her body, his breathing ragged as she clung to him. Her whimpers and the way her body tightened around him almost caused him to lose it right then.

"Joker," she whispered brokenly as her body crashed around his, her hands gripping him as tight as she dared, tears spilling warmly down her cheeks and against his neck. He shuddered above her, his body reacting instinctively as he thrust deep inside her one last time, spilling himself within.

"Kara," he murmured, resting the full weight of his body against hers as he soaked up her warmth and buried his face into her hair.

"That was worth waiting for," she said, her hands running lightly up and down his back.

"Does this mean I don't have to sleep on the couch tonight?" he pulled back to look at her, grinning.

"Gods," she laughed, smacking him lightly on his shoulder. "I should make you just for asking."

"But you won't because you know I'm the only one who can handle your ship. You're too much for an average pilot to handle, but lucky for you, I'm anything but average," he smirked. Her body shook with the force of her laughter as she lay beneath him. Rolling them both over, she leaned over him to give him a quick kiss, her shoulders still trembling as her eyes sparkled with mirth.

"You're incorrigible, y'know that?" she grinned.

"You wouldn't want anything else. Put your body in my hands and I'll make it dance for you," he waggled his brows at her.

"You just did. Best damned helmsman in the fleet for sure," she shivered as the afterglow still held her in check, tucking her body up against his, her cheek resting just above his heart. He chuckled softly, then sighed as he ran his fingers through her hair.

"Thank you… for this, for loving me, for everything," he whispered.

"Thank you for this, for loving me, for always being there… for everything," she whispered back, her eyes closing at the soothing feel of his touch. He watched her as she drifted off to sleep, smiling as something ended right for a change.


	6. Hamster on Stims

Kara shot awake as the bed vibrated beneath her, rolling over and almost getting smacked in the face by a flailing hand as Joker thrashed around while in the grips of a nightmare. Grabbing his wrists to keep him from harming either one of them, she sat there, panicked, unsure of what to do to calm him down.

"Commander! Shepard! Hang on and don't let go! Don't let go!" his voice sobbed out as he struggled to reach outside of the escape pod toward Kara in his dream.

Tears sprang to her eyes as she realized what it was that he was dreaming about. Pinning his hands above his head, she straddled him to hold him place as she leaned down until her mouth was mere inches from his ear.

"Joker, wake up," she began, wincing as his voice burst in her ears.

"No! Kara, no! Don't let… oh gods…" his breath hitched as tears began streaming down his cheeks.

"Flight Lieutenant Moreau, open your eyes," she barked, inwardly grimacing at having to use her 'commander' voice on him. His eyes flew open and he looked at her blindly, calming as he came out of the nightmare and began to recognize his surroundings and the woman sitting on top of him.

"Oh, hey, ahhh… didn't know you were into the whole domination thing, Commander," he joked, though his eyes focused over her shoulder as he remembered perfectly the nightmare she had pulled him out of.

"Joker…" she sighed, releasing his wrists as she wiped away the trail of tears on his cheeks.

"I… damnit if it weren't for me you wouldn't have been spaced. You wouldn't be stuck with Cerberus paying your wages. It's… it's my fault you died…" he shuddered underneath her.

"My gods, have you been blaming yourself this entire time?" she asked, her fingers tracing light patterns over his cheeks.

"Why shouldn't I? If I hadn't been such a stubborn ass, we both would have made it to the pod in time to get out."

"Have you ever stopped to think of how many lives might have been lost if you hadn't kept pushing the Normandy past her limits, going through what evasive maneuvers she would respond to? That gave the other pods the time to eject and get to safety away from the Collector ship. You put your life on the line to try and save us. Talk about amazing courage that still blows my mind…"

"But… but…"

"No buts, Joker. You're not to blame for what happened. If you need to lay the blame on anyone, it's the Collectors. Besides, if I'd never gotten spaced and brought back to life, how long do you think it would have taken for us to finally admit to each other how we felt?"

Sighing, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her down against him, needing to hold her.

"I love you, Kara," he pressed a kiss against her brow as she snuggled up against him.

"I love you too, Jeff," she murmured, tucking her head under his chin as they both fell back asleep.

_/*\_

"What the fuck?" Joker grumbled, hearing the incessant chiming of the doorbell. Rolling over, he glared at the clock as it stated it was 0630 in the morning. Kara sat up, her hair in disarray as she groused under her breath at the rude awakening, her eyes blurry with sleep. Hobbling over to the dresser, he grabbed a pair of pajama pants and made his way to the door, a scowl firmly in place.

"What the… Lieutenant Morris?" he sighed as he looked at the brunette on the other side of the door. Pushing it open further, the woman stepped inside the apartment then wrapped her arms around Joker.

"Get your hands off me! I told you the last time you came by here that I wasn't interested," he snapped, trying to push her off of him.

"I heard you were back on the Citadel and I just had to see you. Mmmm, you're looking quite gorgeous, and I see you're walking on your own steam now. What do you say the two of us head into your room and have some fun?" Morris purred, ignoring Joker's attempts to throw her off.

"Shit, you just don't get it, do you? I'M. NOT. INTERESTED!" he growled, shoving her off of him and stumbling back a few steps himself.

"Oh don't play coy with me, Joker. Now that you can handle a real woman, I'm here and willing. Besides, you wanted this when we were assigned together. I know what I said before stung your pride a bit, but look at you now. You've become stronger for it."

"He's stronger, but not because of your stupidity. Besides, he has a real woman so he wouldn't need a pale imitation," Kara said, striding out of the bedroom in one of his t-shirts. His heart leapt in his chest at the sight of her in his old and worn grey flight school shirt that came to the tops of her thighs, hair still tangled around her face, and eyes that had turned the color of ice.

"Who's the tart?" Morris snarled.

"Kara Shepard, Commander of the Normandy and first human Spectre, at your service," Kara's voice was snide.

"You… what? Oh shit…" the brunette began to back away slowly.

"I suggest, the next time my fiancé says no, you listen. Actually, here's an idea. Leave him alone and don't ever think about contacting him again. Got it?" her smile was feral as she looked at Morris. The other woman's look became calculating and a smirk curved her lips.

"For someone supposedly engaged, where's the ring?"

"We're picking it out today. Not much in the way of jewelry stores out in the Terminus Systems, y'know, and this is the first time in a few months we've had a chance to actually make it to the Citadel," Kara gave Morris a pitying look.

"I… I think I'm going to go now," Morris stuttered then quickly let herself out of Joker's apartment. Joker and Kara looked at each other for a moment before dissolving into laughter, the two of them propping each other up.

"I'm so sorry about that," he said in between huffs of laughter.

"Talk about some fucking nerve," Kara giggled.

"You know she's probably going to have someone keeping an eye out to see if we actually do visit the jewelry stores."

"Oh shit… damn me and my big mouth. She just looked like someone who wouldn't back down if I'd just mentioned myself as a girlfriend and still would have tried her hand at you," she sighed.

"Hey, I'm not complaining. Now how about I go cook my 'real woman' some breakfast and then we head back to the room so I can show you how much stronger I've become," he wiggled his brows at her.

"Sounds like a plan," she grinned, yelping as he smacked her ass on his way to the kitchen. "Joker!"

"Whaaaaat?" his voice echoed from the small confines of the kitchen, his mind working furiously over how right it sounded when Kara called him her fiancé. Smiling to himself, he began to formulate a plan while gathering ingredients for his omelet specialty.

"Nothing," she chuckled, rubbing where he had smacked.

"That's what I thought."

"Remind me why I love you again?"

"Because I'm the best damned pilot you'll ever have to fly your ship, baby," grinning as her laughter echoed throughout the apartment.

_/*\_

Joker almost shot out of his chair as Kara reboarded the Normandy, the look of dazed shock on her face as she turned to face him pressing every concern button in his body. He watched her carefully as she approached him, waiting impatiently for her to say something.

"By the gods…" she said, wide eyed, as she looked at him.

"What? What's wrong?" he asked, fighting to not grab at her hands.

"Hamster. On coffee. Like high octane coffee. Holy shit…"

Joker raised a brow at her, confusion replacing concern.

"What the hell?"

"That salarian scientist we recruited. Dr. Mordin Solus. He's like a fucking hamster on stims. Aria wasn't kidding when she said to not get him talking. He wouldn't shut up and he talks so fast…"

Relief washed through his system and he began laughing, earning a stern look from her which made him double over.

"Oh man, you had me. I was worried something had happened to you and instead you're just going on about an over-excitable salarian. Don't do that to me! You know how weak I am," he batted his eyelashes at her.

"According to your vitals, Mr. Moreau, you are the picture of perfect health. Commander Shepard's, however, are elevated so I suggest you stop baiting her," EDI interjected.

"Oh shit," Joker winced, finally catching notice of Kara's pallor, "You okay?"

"Yeah, fine. Hungry as hell because I forgot to eat before heading out but nauseous thanks to the smell of burning bodies in the slums. I think I'm just going to lay down until the nausea goes away," she said, blinking slowly and walking away in a daze as she was still in shock from her earlier encounter with Mordin. Joker watched her with some concern, waiting just long enough until he knew she would be in the loft before pushing himself out of his chair and hobbling over to Hadley.

"Hey, need you to take the helm for a bit. I got something I need to do."

"Yeah, yeah, go see to your woman," Hadley grinned, slipping past Joker and the scowl the man shot at him, to make himself comfortable in front of the flight console. Grumbling, he made his way to the elevator and down a floor, making as much haste as he could to the med bay.

"Joker? Is something wrong?" Dr. Chakwas asked as she turned toward the sound of the open door, catching sight of the man walking inside.

"What's good for an upset stomach?" he asked.

"Are you coming down with something?"

"No, not me. Kara… err Commander Shepard just came back from Omega and said she's too nauseous from the smell of burning flesh to eat something and she's like really hungry… forgot to eat before she left to pick up the Professor."

Chakwas shot him a knowing smile at his slip-up, making him fumble and blush like a school-boy. Swiveling around, she opened up one of her drawers and fished out a couple of small packs, turning back around to hand them to him.

"Get some hot water from Gardner and make her this - it's peppermint tea and should help her with the nausea."

"Thanks, Doc. I should… ahh… go now," he turned on his heel and headed toward the door.

"She's lucky to have you, Jeff," Chakwas said softly, chuckling only after he left at the blush on his cheeks.

_/*\_

A muffled groan greeted his ears as he entered the loft. Taking care of the hot liquid in the mug, he made his way over to the side of the bed as quickly as possible, cursing under his breath at the sight of her curled up into a tight ball on her side. Setting the mug down on the bedside table, he sat down beside her. Her skin beneath his hand as he lay it on her cheek was cool and clammy.

"Stomach cramping bad since you forgot to eat?" he asked, recognizing the signs now that he was paying attention.

"Gods is it cramping," she whimpered.

"Chakwas gave me some mint tea. Said it should help with the nausea so you can eat."

"Help me up?"

Wrapping his arms just under her armpits, he helped her hoist herself up into a sitting position, leaving one arm around her to lean on as he grabbed for the tea, helping her hold it so she could sip at the brew.

"When did you eat last?" he asked, his eyes searching hers.

"Breakfast yesterday morning."

"Shit. You should have said something last night, hell even this morning, and I would have grabbed you something. You need to keep protein bars or something in your pockets if you think you might get too busy to sit down to eat."

"I'm fine, Joker. The nausea just aggravated it is all," she smiled at his concern and leaned forward to press her lips against his. Her eyes fluttered closed as he deepened the kiss, her system evening out at the tender care he was giving her mouth. Pulling away reluctantly at her moan, he looked at her and brought the mug bag up to her lips.

"Finish this and then we'll head down to the mess and grab something to eat, all right?"

"What do I get in return?" her grin was saucy as she peered at him over the edge of the mug.

"Lack of stomach cramps? Hadley is manning the ship as a favor so I'd like to get back as soon as possible. Otherwise…" his look was far from innocent as he returned her stare.

"Damn, Joker cockblocks himself," she laughed, downing the now cool contents in a few gulps.

"Shut up."

"Make me."

"When I'm off duty."

"I'll hold you to it," she smirked.

"Besides, I need to come up with something else to do to EDI. Grease on the cameras was funny but I feel the need to one up myself with that thing."

Kara threw her head back and laughed, wiping tears from the corners of her eyes.

"That one was priceless, I'll give you that. Dream sequence for sure, though I'm the only one allowed to dream about you."

"You're definitely feeling better. Let's get you some grub."

_/*\_

Kara waited in the shadows of the darkened CIC, waiting until Joker had stepped away from the console to stretch his legs. Swiping some shoe black on EDI's lenses, the moment she entered the cockpit, she quickly wiped her hands then crawled beneath the console, tucking herself far enough back that he wouldn't see or feel her when he came back. Due to the time he had spent with her earlier, Joker was taking the first three hours of Hadley's overnight shift at the console. Her lips curved eagerly as she thought of the thank you she was about to give him for taking care of her.

Sighing, Joker looked longingly over at the elevator and wished he could head up to the loft to spend the evening with Kara. It seemed that the moment they had aired the repressed feelings between them, it was as if they had always been a couple, it just felt that right. The night following the morning he'd woken up from the nightmare with her in his arms was the first peaceful one he'd had in two years.

His lap around the CIC complete, he settled back into his chair, snuggling into the soft leather and grinning as he did every time he took his seat. It seemed to mold to his form, making his job on this Normandy much more pleasant. Now if only that thing he didn't want to think about hadn't been installed, things would be perfect. Setting his hands to the console as he checked the systems, he bit back a yelp as he felt something sliding up the insides of his legs.

"What the…" he trailed off as he looked beneath the console to see Kara peeking up at him, the impish look in her eyes setting his heart pounding.

"Miss me?" she purred.

"Wh-What are you doing under there?"

"Thanking you for earlier," she said, her hands sliding up his thighs, thumbs brushing him lightly as she settled them on his hips. He swallowed hard as her eyes took on the dark stormy blue color he had come to enjoy seeing when he did something that turned her on. He watched as her fingers made quick work of the fasteners on his pants, tugging the waist down enough until he was fully bare to the air.

"What about… you know…" he murmured, gasping as he felt the wet heat of her tongue swirling over the head of his manhood.

"Shoe black - effectively blinded," she answered, her hand wrapping around the base as she looked at him, squeezing lightly while watching his face. The flush that crept over his face and the way that he tightened his hands on the armrests pleased her. Taking the soft sac into her other hand, she massaged it gently then, in one swift move, took him deep.

"Holy shit!" he whimpered, his eyes fixated on the scene in front of him, his hips involuntarily bucking up against her. She hummed her pleasure, the vibrations from her throat reverberating down his manhood and up his spine. With some difficulty he removed his hands from the armrests and sank them into her hair, his fingers pressing into her scalp and causing her to moan softly.

"You're gonna kill me," he shuddered as she removed her mouth, blowing on the wet skin lightly, flashing him a grin, as she gently took his sac in her mouth, rolling it around in her mouth. He fought to keep his eyes on her instead of rolling back into his head the way they'd like to, his breathing coming in harsh, ragged gasps. His grip tightened as she let go and her flattened tongue made its way up his length, coming up to tease at the underside of the ridge of the head.

Her eyes on him, she sank her mouth back down until she had him completely surrounded, her eyes finally closing as she concentrated on the smell and taste of him. She realized her folly at that moment when her body instantaneously reacted to the scent and feel of him, her mouth watering at the flavor that filled it. As she took her time to learn every curve and bump, she let herself get lost in the sensory overload she was receiving, unable to hold back her own moans as he slid in and out of her mouth.

His lungs felt as though they were on fire as he fought to breathe, feeling himself tightening as his eyes remained fixated on her and what she was doing to him. His hips were thrusting and rolling up against her mindlessly, the wet heat of her mouth urging him quickly toward completion.

"Kara… Kara…" he keened, his back arching as her tongue found a particularly sensitive spot, "I'm… I'm gonna…" he gasped out. The moment the words left his mouth, her hands found purchase on the rounded, bubbled globes of his ass and gripped tight, pulling him tighter to her. He let out a hoarse cry as he jetted deep into her throat, the feel of her muscles clamping down around him as she swallowed causing him to completely empty himself. Slowly sinking back into the chair as his body relaxed, he let out a long shuddering breath as he watched her tuck him ever so gently back into his pants before fastening them up, her eyes then sliding up his body to rest on his face.

"That was… you were… amazing. I can't believe you did that…"

"Neither can I, Mr. Moreau. I am glad that my cameras were tampered with for once. I feel the need to purge my audio banks," EDI's voice sounded surprisingly bitchy for an AI.

"Well you shouldn't have listened in, EDI. That's what happens when you stick your nose where it doesn't belong," Kara snickered then looked back up at Joker.

"I thought you deserved something for taking time out to help me earlier, giving up some of your sleep time to make up for time lost," she murmured. He took her hands in his and brought them to his lips, brushing them over her knuckles as he looked at her, ignoring EDI's remarks for once.

"You make me feel whole," he whispered.

"You always were, Joker," she said, sliding up his body as she removed herself from her previously cramped quarters, and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

"You're it for me, Kara."

"Damn straight. I'm the only one who can command your ship with any expertise," she shot back at him, earning a smirk in response, though her eyes said what her lips hadn't, that he was it for her too.

"I'll see you in an hour when Hadley relieves me."

"Looking forward to it."


	7. Our First Argument

Joker stared transfixed at the console, his gaze never wavering from the video feed in front of him. Thanks to EDI - she had her uses sometimes - he was able to watch Kara, along with Mordin and Jacob, running through Purgatory. His blood boiled at the quick message she had sent him, letting him know of Warden Kuril's betrayal and intent to hold her and the others for coin.

"This person better be worth the shit she's going through just to recruit 'em," he muttered as he watched the three gun down mechs and Blue Suns mercs alike.

"According to the dossier Jack, aka Subject Zero, is one of the most powerful biotics known to human kind. It is a logical step to take to bring this person along in the fight against the reapers," EDI stated.

"Just because they're a powerful biotic doesn't mean we need 'em. Take that thing in the tank for instance. A pure krogan who's probably programmed to kill the first thing it sees when the tank is opened. We got a thief in Port Observation… what the hell do we need one of those for? Garrus and Mordin are the only ones who make sense to me so far," he grumbled.

"Valid points made, Mr. Moreau," EDI replied.

Joker's eyes widened as the camera panned near the loading dock, his fingers tapping out commands to bring the image up full screen. He studied the figure that Kara and her team had been chasing for the better part of two hours through the burning ship.

"Shit, she looks like she's a fucking nut case. Then again, this was a prison ship. One more crazy to add to the list. Damn, I miss the old group sometimes," he sighed.

_/*\_

"I finally got you cornered, sweetheart," Kara muttered as she watched the tatted up woman throwing a temper tantrum that would rival a two-year-old's just from seeing the Cerberus logo on the side of the Normandy.

"What the hell do you want?" Jack snapped as she was brought out of her snit fit by the sound of Kara's gun going off, finally noticing the merc who had been trying to sneak up on her.

"I'm here to grab you and get the fuck off this ship, that's what," Kara snarled, annoyed at the other woman's tone.

"I'm not going anywhere with you, Cerberus," Jack narrowed her eyes at Shepard.

"I'm offering to be your friend. You sure as hell don't want to be my enemy," Kara snickered.

"Shepard's combat abilities, impressive. Determination, equally impressive. Enemies don't last long," Mordin chimed in.

"You show up in a Cerberus frigate to take me somewhere. Do you think I'm stupid?"

"This ship's going down in a nice big ball of fire and I've got the only way out."

"You know, Shepard, we could knock her out and haul her aboard," Jacob suggested.

"It just might come to that," she smirked, looking Jack over. "She might be some all-powerful biotic bitch, but I'm the queen bitch and have survived worse things than her, death being one of them."

Jacob grinned at his commander, glad that she was on their side and not the enemy's.

"Fine, but if I come with you, I want something in return."

"Depends… you're not really in a position to bargain. No skin off my ass if I leave you behind with this ship."

Jack was a bit taken aback by Shepard's lack of jumping at her suggestion. Most people who needed or wanted something were more than willing to take it in any way, shape, or form that they could but this woman was more of a hard-ass than she had initially thought.

"I want full access to the ship's records. Names, dates, places…"

"We'll see. If you're a good girl I just might let you have them," Kara stated, waving the other two on as she walked off, heading toward the ship's hangar. Jack bared her teeth, waiting until they were halfway down the walkway before running to catch up.

_/*\_

Joker watched Kara as she stepped out of the Armory from the conference room, her gloved hands tearing at her now unbound hair. Her steps were swift and angry as she headed toward the cockpit, her eyes flashing like iced lightning. As she had gone straight into the room after boarding the ship, her and her armor still smelled like a combination of sweat, blood, and smoke as she plopped herself on the edge of the console and stared out one of the windows to watch the stars slip past.

"Fucking nutcase. Totally screwed up in the head and Miranda just _had_to egg her on and make things worse. Upside is her biotics are stronger than Liara's and Kaidan's put together. Downside is she's got a hair trigger temper and a worse mouth on her than I have. I think I might end up performing my first death by airlock," she grumped, letting go of her hair only when Joker pried her fingers away from it.

"Let go… I tend to like your hair where it is… on your head, not in your hands. Keep that up and you'll yank yourself bald," he said. She quirked her lips into a slight grin and rolled her eyes at him.

"I'm serious! I don't think you'd look good without hair. But, gods, what the hell is up with the weirdos that the Illusive Man is having us pick up. I'm almost starting to wonder if it might be safer for us on a Collector vessel than inside the Normandy," he grumbled.

"The gods only know because I sure as hell don't. Jacob's not so bad - kind of growing on me actually…" she stopped at the soft growl coming from Joker and grinned, "and don't get your nuts in a wad because it ain't like that either."

"Better not be," he huffed.

"Haven't the last couple of months taught you anything? I mean we've practically been living in each other's arms since that night on the Citadel. You're the only man for me, Joker. You should know that by now," she smiled and tugged the brim of his cap down over his eyes. He stuck his tongue out at her as he readjusted his hat.

"Down boy. That'll get some use later, I'm sure. Seriously though…"

"Yeah, I know… just sometimes… y'know?" he sighed. Kara knelt beside the chair and wrapped her arms around him, resting her head on his abdomen. His hands slid over her hair, his smile gentle as he looked down at her.

"But, as I was saying, other than getting along with Operative Taylor a bit better, the only other ones that make sense are Mordin and Garrus. Mordin can hopefully find a countermeasure against the Collector swarms and Garrus could shoot out the eyeball of a gnat with relative ease and leave the rest intact. Kasumi is nice, but I keep wondering if she's pawned something of ours on one of the stations we've visited. I like Zaeed, hell he's like a brother in arms, but we're both a shit ton alike. I don't need a male me running around," her voice was muffled against his clothing.

"See, and that's what I don't get. But, I'm not the one funding this run so…"

"Yeah…" Kara said as she lifted her head and looked at him. "Well, while I'm at it and still running a bit buzzed from dealing with Jack, might as well deal with the tank born."

"Fuck no! Ain't no way in hell you're going down there and letting that thing free!" he half shouted, his heart beginning to pound at the thought of her in the enclosed space with an unknown krogan.

"Excuse me?" her eyes iced over again as she pulled away.

"You might be Kara Shepard, Spectre, Savior of the Citadel, but you're not goddamned indestructible! No, not on my ship are you putting your life on the line. Hell no!"

"I might love you, Joker, and I might take a lot of shit from you that would earn someone else a boot in the ass, but that doesn't give you the right to order me around," she hissed as she stood up straight. Her posture stiffer than before, she strode out of the cockpit and toward the elevator, nervous crew members staring after her as she disappeared behind its doors.

"Don't you even think about starting in on me, EDI. Just give me a damned feed for the cargo hold," he sighed.

"Understood, Mr. Moreau," the AI replied.

_/*\_

Kara snarled as she paced the small confines of the elevator. How dare he treat her like a child, like she couldn't take care of herself? She wasn't some insipid idiot who didn't know how to handle herself. She'd spent months, almost a year, tucked away into the old Normandy with a krogan on board so it wasn't as if she didn't know anything about how to deal with them. He had taught her how to defend herself against one of his own, taking them down without too much injury to her own body. The moment the doors slid open she stormed down the hallway to the cargo hold, stopping only when she stood in front of the tank.

"Are you sure this is wise, Shepard?" EDI asked, the holo-globe materializing on the monitor beside her.

"Not you too," she growled. "Just unlock the damned controls."

"As you wish," the AI responded, the controls changing from red to green within a matter of seconds. Kara keyed in the code left with the tank, stepping back a couple of feet as the stasis fluid began to flow around her feet. Her eyes remained cool and calculating as the tank-bred collapsed, no longer held up by the force of the liquid.

With an impressive amount of speed and coordination from one who spent their entire life in a tank, the krogan rushed the human woman in front of him, slamming her up against the far wall.

_/*\_

Joker's eyes remained locked on the vid screen, eyes narrowed, as he watched the scene unfolding in front of him. The moment Kara ended up sandwiched between the wall and the krogan, he tapped into the comm. system in the forward battery.

"Garrus, do me a favor and get your turian ass down to the cargo bay in case that damned tank-bred needs to be taken out. He's got Kara pinned up against the wall right now."

"By the stars! What the hell was she thinking, going down there alone?" Garrus huffed, rushing out of the room and into the armory to grab his gun before heading down to Engineering.

Joker turned up the audio feed, his hands gripping the arms of the chair as he watched, so focused on how close the krogan's face was to Kara's that he didn't notice her gun shoved against the thing's hide.

_/*\_

"Before I kill you, human, I need to know one thing. Name?" the tank-bred growled in her face.

"Kara Shepard, Commander of the Normandy of whose cargo bay you're currently standing in," she snarled back.

"Not yours, mine! What am I called?" he asked.

"Don't know. Okeer didn't leave an instruction manual for you," she replied, her eyes laser sharp on his. She listened curiously as he ran through a gamut of names and words, stopping on one.

"Grunt. That will do. It has no meaning, no feeling, so I will be called Grunt."

"That's nice, Grunt. Now what do you say to letting me go before you end up in a world of hurt," she said, her voice dripping sugar.

"Since it is your ship that I am on, I will let you live… for now. Well met, Commander Shepard," Grunt said, slowly releasing his hold on her. At her soft laugh, he looked down to see her gun pressed up against his side. He let out a rumble of humor of his own, his eyes going back to hers.

"Offer friendship with one hand while prepared to kill with the other. I think I like you, Shepard," the tank-bred grinned.

"Just behave and don't try to kill anyone on my ship and we'll get along famously, got it, Grunt?"

"As long as they don't attack me," he answered.

"Good enough. Welcome aboard the Normandy."

At the cough off to her side, she turned to see Garrus, rifle cocked and aimed, and rolled her eyes.

"Everything is fine. Lower your weapon, Vakarian. Unless it's Jack, I highly doubt there'll be any killing going on in this ship for now. Let me guess, Joker sent you?" she sighed as she tugged the turian out of Grunt's room.

"He was worried and with good reason. What the hell were you thinking, going in there alone?"

"That thanks to the training Wrex gave me, I could handle myself."

"Wait a minute, Wrex taught you how to take down a krogan?"

"Why not? He knew that I might end up in a situation against a krogan merc and wanted to make sure I could come out of it alive."

"Holy shit," Garrus whistled, shaking his head, then looked down at his friend. "You might want to talk to Joker. He's worried about you."

"I'm still pissed at him. He'll have to wait," she stated, letting Garrus off on his floor before taking the elevator up to her room.

_/*\_

Joker paced back and forth outside of Kara's room, trying to calm the simmering anger that had continued to plague him since their argument earlier. Spitting out a curse, he slapped his palm over the entrance mechanism, striding into the room as best as he could the moment the doors opened.

"I don't think you should be here right now," Kara said, her voice devoid of emotion, as were her eyes, as she glanced up to see who had entered her room.

"I'm not leaving."

"How dare…"

"No, how dare _you_!" he interrupted, walking down the steps and around the table to stand in front of her. She stood, temper flaring in her eyes as she looked up at him, their bodies close enough that each could feel the simmer of anger flaring off the other.

"How dare you have no concern for your own safety and well-being and go into a room, alone, with a krogan we knew nothing about! Shit, he fucking slammed you up against a wall the moment he saw you! Sometimes you need to knock that 'I'm Commander Shepard and a total bad-ass' attitude out of your head and realize you're not invincible. Ok, yeah, you came back from death once, but shit, you're not immortal!" he yelled.

"You have no right to tell me what the hell to do! I grew up just fine without parents and I don't need a father now. I'm an adult and can make my own damned decisions. Being my boyfriend doesn't give you the fucking right to make them for me!" she shouted right back at him.

"I'm not trying to make your decisions for you. I'm also not trying to be your damned father… ew! It's just… fuck, I lost you once and I don't want to lose you again, all right?" his eyes bored into hers. She sighed, temper deflated at his admission, and leaned forward to rest her forehead against his chest while wrapping her arms around his waist.

"I'm sorry. The way you talked to me, the way you reacted when I told you what I was going to do… it got my back up. Maybe sometimes I do put myself needlessly into danger, but I'm not trying to kill myself, promise. I've got too much to live for, now."

Joker pressed a kiss to the top of her head and wrapped his arms around her, his world righting itself as she curled up within his embrace.

"And I wasn't thinking when I said what I did. I just got finished watching you haul ass through a shit-ton of mercs and mechs to go after some nutcase biotic, all the while a ship was burning down around you, and I was still on edge when you made that announcement," he murmured.

"Wow… our first fight," she chuckled.

"Not as knock-down, drag-out as I imagined we'd probably end up with, but I'm all right with that," he laughed, squeezing her tight.

"We good?" she tilted her face up to his.

"Yeah, we're good," he grinned, leaning down to kiss her.

_/*\_

Kara looked around the Starboard Observatory curiously, wondering why Joker had asked her to meet him there. She still felt a bit like an ass from their argument a day earlier and wondered if maybe he did too, perhaps having something up his sleeve as an apology. He was surprisingly sweet like that, popping up with little gifts for her that she still had no idea where he got them from, or when he had the time to go shopping. Grinning to herself, she stepped toward the window and looked at the peaceful expanse of space, getting lost in the view of the heavens. Her eyes slid closed as she felt his arms encircle her waist from behind.

"Hey," he nibbled lightly on her ear.

"Hey yourself," she shivered, reaching up behind her to graze her nails lightly over the skin of his neck.

"Beautiful here, isn't it? I might look at this all day, but there's something about not sitting in the pilot's chair that makes it a calming experience."

"Helps when the company's good too," she grinned, turning her head to look back at him.

"I know we don't get a chance to do real 'couple' things, saving the galaxy and all, but I figured this worked well enough as a date spot…"

"Mmhmm. Bet you didn't know this, but I come here a lot when I'm stressed and you're busy up front. Helps to relax me."

"Bet you didn't know this, but I already knew that. I like to keep an eye on you, make sure you're all right," he said, tightening his grip.

"Y'know, others might find that creepy. Me, not so much. I like knowing I'm being looked after, even if I might not say so at the time. Thanks for sending Garrus after me yesterday, by the way. At one point I almost wondered if I had gotten in over my head," she sighed. Instead of responding, he nuzzled the side of her neck and placed a soft kiss on the underside of her jaw. Turning her to face him, he looked down at her, his eyes solemn.

"You know you mean the world to me, right? That I'd do anything to keep you safe because you make me feel like I could do anything, like I'm not suffering from some bone disease but am instead a whole person? You're my home…"

Her eyes searched his, nerves beginning to flutter low in her belly.

"Is… Is something wrong, Joker?" she asked, panic hitching her voice a bit.

"Nothing's wrong. Hopefully everything will continue being right…" he said, letting go of her to fumble in his pockets and extract a small box. He watched her as her eyes bounced between the box and his green gaze, a hiccupping sob escaping her lips as she correctly guessed what was going on. Taking her left hand in his, he flipped open the box with the other.

"I can't exactly go down on one knee here, but I'm all right standing here with you. I know we've only been together for a couple of months now, but I know I love you and I know I'll never love anyone else. With everything looming ahead of us, I want this little bright spot to hold onto, you and a promise of a life together if we make it… when we make it. Will you marry me, Kara?"

She looked at the ring, perfect for a warrior's hand. While the blue diamond might not be large, as it was inset into a slim platinum band, it was delicate without being too girly. She saw the Norse runes for love and protection etched into the outside of the band and her heart constricted at how perfect it was for her.

"Yes, Jeff, I'll marry you," she answered, looking from the ring back up to him. He let out a whoop of joy and grabbed her around the waist, hugging her tight as he pressed his lips hotly against hers. After a few moments, she pulled away breathlessly, laughter in her eyes.

"You forgot something sweetheart. It's in the box," she grinned.

"Oh shit," he laughed, a flush staining his cheeks. Removing the ring, he slid it over her finger, rubbing the skin lightly around the band as it sat snuggly where it belonged. She reached up to cup his cheek in her hand, her thumb lightly caressing the skin. He smiled at her, then looked around the room, his shoulders sagging slightly.

"Ah crap. I'll be right back. I forgot something!" he gave her a swift kiss on the lips before rushing out of the room. Chuckling, she rolled her eyes in his direction then stared down at the ring. Pulling it off of her finger, she studied it in more detail, her smile growing even wider as she read the inscription on the inside.

_Joker & Kara - Forever flying through the stars together._

"Damn straight," she murmured, replacing the ring on her finger.

"What's that?" Joker asked as he re-entered the room, a bottle of champagne and two glasses in his hands.

"Forever in the stars, love," she answered, turning to see the embarrassed flush on his cheeks.

"I had a sappy moment, so sue me," he grumbled good naturedly.

"I promise I won't let anyone know," she snickered. He smirked at her as he uncorked the bottle and poured them each a glass. Handing one to her, he motioned to the two gigantic pillows sitting in front of the observation window. Nodding, she took a seat, curling up beside him as he joined her.

"To a life together filled with love, passion, tempers, and Reapers… until we kick their scaly asses," he toasted, earning a laugh from her as she clinked her glass against his.

"I second that," she said, taking a sip as the two sat in silence, watching the stars fly by.


	8. Shock and Awe

"Joker won't be able to keep his eyes off you," Kasumi smiled, fluffing up and readjusting strands of Kara's hair.

"Downside is, I'm not doing this for his benefit but for yours. You still haven't told me what this is about," Kara eyed herself critically in the mirror. Strands of white-blond hair that fell from a half twist on the crown of her head framed her face, the rest of her hair flowing down her back in soft waves. She had the barest touch of make-up applied, highlighting her features instead of overpowering them. The sleeveless powder-blue dress came to mid-thigh and hugged her curves, the neckline plunging down to give a teasing view of her cleavage. Both her fingernails and toenails had been done in a French-manicure style. Her feet were encased in heels with silver cord wrapped gracefully up her calves to her knees, modeled after ancient Roman sandals. Her jewelry was simple understated platinum - the necklace had a Native American feel to it with turquoise beading and feather ornamentation. She smiled down at her engagement ring, twirling it lightly around her finger.

"I guess I look presentable enough for where ever we're going. Where are we going?" she asked.

"You'll find out soon enough, Shepard," Kasumi answered. "I must say, though, the whole color combination I picked out really sets off that California beach-girl look with your hair, blue eyes, and honey skin, sweetie. Much better than the black dress I had initially planned on. You should make sure Joker doesn't hack into the security feeds or else he might end up jealous. I don't see any man or woman at that party not looking at you and drooling."

Kara let out a soft laugh and shook her head.

"Surprisingly enough, jealousy isn't something either of us feel. Fear for the other person's safety, anger if they put themselves needlessly in danger, yes. Jealousy? No. Well not usually. There was one time he growled at me when I mentioned getting along a bit better with one of the male crew members," she laughed.

"You're lucky to have found someone like that. I had someone once," Kasumi sighed. "I miss Keiji terribly sometimes."

"I'm sorry you lost him," Kara looked over at the woman, unsure as to whether she should try and comfort her or not.

"Come on, Shepard. We shouldn't keep the others waiting," Kasumi grinned. "I can't wait to see their reactions when they get a look at you."

"Oh gods," Kara mumbled, her hand resting over her stomach as nerves balled up inside.

"Don't worry. You look amazing."

"The thought of having so many eyes on me. Ugh," she shuddered, her heels surprisingly silent as she followed the thief out of the loft and into the elevator.

"At least I won't need to teach you how to walk in those things," Kasumi teased.

"I was required to go to enough balls and other social functions while in basic - they said it would make us 'better rounded' but I think they just wanted to torture us more with awkward situations. The graduation parties were fun though," she grinned.

The entire CIC went silent as the elevator doors opened and Kara stepped through. Kelly's eyes widened to the point that the Commander was afraid the young woman's eyeballs would fall out of her head. She turned her head at the sound of a low whistle off to her side to catch Jacob staring at her.

"Yeah, yeah, I clean up well. Everyone get back to your stations, keep your eyes in your head, and your jaws shut, all right?" She sighed, shaking her head, though her lips quirked as she held back a laugh.

"Now let's see how your man reacts to your transformation," the woman beside her chuckled, ushering her up the catwalk, past more stares, into the cockpit.

Hearing footsteps behind him, Joker swung the chair around and blinked at the two women in front of him. His eyes zeroed in on Kara and a flush from beneath his uniform began to crawl up his neck and over his face. His mouth worked just enough to open and close, almost as if a fish out of water, before he swallowed audibly.

"Damn," he whispered, his voice hoarse. "You look… amazing!"

Kara's smile widened as her cheeks took on a light pink color. Joker looked over at Kasumi, his eyes calculating.

"This is hers, isn't it? I mean you're not going to, like, take it back or anything when you two are finished with whatever it is you're doing?"

"It's hers. Consider it a gift for the favor she's doing for me," she replied then turned to Kara. "I'll meet you on the shuttle, Shepard. Be quick in your farewells to lover boy over here, please," the woman laughed softly.

The moment Kasumi disappeared, Joker grabbed Kara's hand and yanked her over to his chair, his hand sliding up the bare expanse of leg within reach.

"I wish you didn't have to go. I'd love to take some time exploring this," he said, his voice low and gravelly.

"If you can come up with a good reason to get me back into the dress, you'll have your chance," she whispered, shivering at the touch of his hand against her skin. She began to lean down toward him when his hand snaked up to grab her behind her neck, pulling her in for a kiss filled with longing and promises to come. She gasped for breath as she was released from his grip.

"I'll see you in a bit, Joker."

"Damned well better. I don't want to find out that someone decided to haul you off, caveman style."

Laughing as she regained her composure, she straightened up and flashed him a saucy wink as she left, making sure to let her hips roll seductively as she walked away from him. The resulting moan that followed her made her grin. Her step was light as she disappeared into the elevator, not dreading the upcoming mission as much as she had been.

_/*\_

Kara huddled down as the gunship made another pass over, praying that she had found a strong enough defense to hide behind with the way Hock was spraying bullets at her.

"Kasumi! Have any tricks that'll take down those shields? They keep regenning no matter what I do!" Kara shouted out over the gunfire, sweat beading on her temple as she peeked over the concrete wall to snipe at another one of the guards trying to make his way toward them.

"Keep the area clear, Shepard, and let me get to a good spot. I've got an idea!"

Nodding, she rose out of cover long enough to take out a few more mercs, ducking back when the gunship roared overhead, bits of stone raining down over her, one of them slicing through the skin on her cheek and leaving a blood trail.

"You're so gonna pay for that, you bastard," she growled, resuming fire once he'd swung out of view again.

"Hostiles cleared, Kasumi!"

"Got it, Shepard!"

She watched as the woman leapt up the maze of pipes, toward the ship that had come back into sight, keeping her gun trained on Hock enough to divert his attention from the thief. The moment she saw Kasumi land on their target, she concentrated on cleaning the area of any other disturbance.

"Shields down. Let's take this asshole out!"

Her grin feral, Kara switched to her armor-piercing ammo and took aim with her sniper rifle, her shots landing perfectly on the fuel tanks. The resulting explosion took out the rest of the ground troops, causing her to jump out of cover to let out a whoop of joy until a large piece of debris hurtled her direction. Ducking down, she laughed as it narrowly missed her.

"I hope Joker didn't see that or he'll be on my ass like white on rice for putting myself in 'needless danger'," she giggled.

"That's if he isn't still feeling the effects of seeing you in a dress," the other woman laughed.

"True 'nough," Kara replied, grabbing the satchel she had left near the door with her clothing in it and whatever else she could find on her way toward the Kodiak. Once on board, she leaned back and stretched out, relaxing as yet another job was done.

_/*\_

"Great way to end the day, huh, Commander?" Joker's voice echoed around her from the comm. as she stared in the bathroom mirror, wincing at the nice gash that now decorated her cheek from the sharp concrete. "Almost getting beaned by a piece of scorched metal hurtling straight at you?"

"Don't forget the flying bits of sharp concrete and rock thanks to the force of the gunship's bullets," she muttered, hissing as she dabbed at the offending wound first with soap and water, then with antiseptic. "Busted my ass to get everything needed to remove the damned scarring so I didn't look like a walking cybernetic freak, and now this."

Pulling the edges of the skin together, she taped them closed with butterfly bandages then slumped down onto the bathroom floor. Running her fingers through her now tangled hair - the wind from the gunship's blades had whipped it around like it were a live thing - she sighed. Joker found her there moments later after he was relieved from duty.

"I'm not being vain, am I? I've got scars crisscrossing my body from other battles and they don't bother me, but this one does. Maybe because it's not the original scar I had before I was rebuilt. I didn't mind the little ones I had cutting across my brow or chin because they were mine. Yeah, this one's mine too, but it's not the same…"

"Couldn't you use that machine again?" he asked, helping her up off the floor.

"If I use it too much it could cause a thinning of the skin. Not only that but this thing isn't even a scar yet."

"You're beautiful to me no matter what, you know that, right? Just think of how badass you'll look with a scar running the line of your cheekbone, though," he grinned, leaning down to press his lips lightly against hers. Wrapping her arms around his waist, she laughed and rested her cheek against his chest.

"My love, my center - the man who can make me laugh through anything."

He looked down at her, his eyes going soft. Like him, she wasn't one to speak words of love often, preferring to go by the old adage of actions speak louder than words. It was nice to hear every once in a while, though, as it was then that the words held more of a punch.

"As long as you're laughing with me and not at me, we're good," he smiled. With a cheeky grin, she smacked him lightly upside his head as she removed herself from his arms and exited the bathroom.

"Hey, be careful! I break easily!" he teased.

"If you broke as easily as you like people to think, our love life would be in a world of trouble," she snickered, stripping down to her tank and boy-short panties before flopping down on the bed and burying her head into one of the pillows. Following suit, he removed his uniform and curled up beside her, pulling the covers up over them both before sliding his hand up her tank to rest over her belly.

"G'night, Joker."

"G'night, Kara."

_/*\_

"Sorry to wake you, but the Illusive Man wishes to speak with you in the debriefing room," Joker's voice slid out of the comm. and into her ears. Muttering to herself she rolled over onto her stomach and shoved her face into the pillow.

"Tell 'im to fuck off, that I'm sleeping," came her muffled reply.

"I would except he said it's urgent and he needs to speak with you, like, yesterday."

"Goddamn it!" she growled, stumbling from the bed to yank on her Cerberus civs. "All right, all right, tell him I'll be there in a minute."

"Aye, aye."

Kara stomped out of her room and into the elevator, her left cheek throbbing from the injury it had received the day before. Her mood was akin to that of a wounded bear and having to deal with the Illusive Man didn't make it any better. The moment she stepped into the room, she activated the console so she could get the conversation over and done with.

"Shepard."

"What the hell do you want?"

"Cut the attitude, Shepard."

"Look, you dragged me out of bed with something supposedly important enough that I couldn't even stop for my cup of coffee first, and my cheek hurts like hell now that the pain blockers have worn off. If you expect me to be bright and cheerful, you can kiss my ass."

"Save it for the Collectors," he said, the tip of his cigarette glowing in the darkened room. "I just received word that one of our colonies on the edge of the Terminus Systems has gone dark. If it is for the reasons I think it is, we might be able to catch them in the act. This might be the earliest warning we've ever had of Collector activity."

"Shit," she sighed.

"One other thing you should know. Your old crew mate, Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko, is on Horizon."

"And you just happen to know this how? Especially when you told me earlier his file was 'surprisingly highly classified'?"

"I have my ways, Shepard. Now are you going to do this?"

"Yeah, just give me the damned coordinates and I'll have Joker set a course immediately."

"Already sent. Good hunting, Shepard."

Her hands were unsteady as they pushed back her hair. Kaidan and she hadn't parted on the best of terms after she had turned him down once again while serving together on the SR1. Even so, she'd considered him one of her closer friends and someone she could turn to if she needed help dealing with both political and military red tape. The thought of him being one of those taken by the Collectors sent a spear of terror through her heart.

"Set a course for Horizon immediately, Joker," she stated, pulling up the coordinates on the terminal behind him.

"ETA 1 hour, Kara. Why, what's up?"

"Colony just went dark. Suspected Collector attack. If we can get there soon enough, perhaps we might get a chance at saving some of them. Kaidan's there too," she said in a rush.

"Alenko? What the hell is he doing all the way out there? Shit…" he sighed.

"No clue. Must be part of the 'classified' bit Anderson wouldn't tell me since I'm working with Cerberus."

"Let's hope we get there in time. Good thing there's a relay close by," he said, powering up the ship's FTL drives. As he felt her hand rest on his shoulder, and the light tremble of the fingers that gripped it, he rested his on hers and tilted his head back to look up at her.

"You can do this. We can do this."

"I know. It's just, he's one of my best friends, y'know? But I'm also worried - we might have upgraded the ship a bit but what if," she paused. "What if they decide to attack the Normandy while I'm ground side?"

"We'll figure that out if it happens. Just be careful down there, all right?" he asked, pulling her down for a kiss.

"No exploding gunships this time so I should be all right," she joked, though her heart wasn't in it. Patting his shoulder lightly she turned from him, hurrying to grab her team and get suited up. Kara hoped the countermeasure Mordin had applied to their armor held.

_/*\_

Harbinger. Even that name sent chills down her spine. What the hell was it that it was able to keep assuming control of the other collector bodies? Not only that but it was one tough sonuvabitch to take down each time it took over yet another collector. The husks didn't make matters any better, having given her nightmares ever since Eden Prime. Knowing that the Collectors had access to the same technology Sovereign did to create these things made her nauseous. Two things kept her going - the colonists that she passed who were stuck in some nerve stasis, and knowing Kaidan had been stationed here. Her knees could barely support her by the time they made it to the defense tower. If this was the way she reacted now, she needed to toughen up before she truly took the fight to these beasts. Either that or Cerberus had the wrong woman for the job.

"EDI, can you get the guns back online?"

"Calibrating them won't be an issue, Shepard. I'll need you to keep the area clear, though, while I power up the systems."

"Have at it then, EDI."

Hearing the nerve-wracking buzz of incoming Collectors, she sprinted to a spot she had noticed earlier that she could use as a good sniper's hole - the bed of a truck off to the far side. Motioning to Garrus and Jack to take cover, they lay in wait until they had the enemy in their sights. A stress-induced migraine blurred the edges of her vision as wave after wave of these things came after them in an area that wasn't set up for the best in defensive positioning. Kara slumped down in the back of the truck after a few moments of peace.

"Damn, that was rough."

"Power at eighty percent, Shepard. The guns should be online shortly."

"Thanks, EDI."

"Shit, looks like they brought out the big guns," she heard Garrus mutter over the comm. link. Gazing over the edge of her cover, she swallowed hard as the Praetorian landed in the middle of the field.

"We'll take this fucker out, no problem," Jack hollered, forgetting that the comm. was voice activated, and nearly deafened both Kara and the turian in the process.

"Well, didn't need my hearing anyway, I guess," she muttered, low enough that the voice activation system wouldn't pick it up while switching to the Cryo-Blaster she had strapped to her back. Hopefully between it, her Incinerate ability, and her team, they could take the Praetorian out as quickly and painlessly to them as possible.

The moment the beast breathed its last breath - if it breathed that is - she fell back on her ass as the ground beneath them began to shake almost violently. The surface to air missiles began firing at the Collector ship from the defense towers stationed along the outer length of the colony causing enough damage that the enemy pulled out of port.

"Might as well head on back to the Normandy, Shepard. Looks like they got what they came for," Garrus sighed as he approached her.

"Damnit!" Kara narrowed her eyes on the departing ship.

"No! You can't let them get away!" the mechanic they had met earlier screamed at them as he stared up at the departing ship.

"That ship is huge. How exactly are we supposed to catch it?" Kara growled, looking over at the man, her earlier weariness gone.

"Half the colony is in there! You gotta do something!"

"I did my best. You just hid in your damned bunker like the coward you are."

"What was I supposed to do, shake my wrench at them?"

"Would have been better than curled up in a little ball crying for your mother," she snapped, taking a step toward him. Jack snickered behind her, while Garrus lay his hand on her shoulder.

"If it wasn't for Shepard, you'd all be on board that ship," Garrus said to the man, his claws slightly digging into Kara as she struggled against wanting to rip the guy's head off.

"Shepard. I know that name. Some big Alliance hero, right?"

"Commander Shepard. Captain of the Normandy, first human Spectre, and savior of the Citadel. You're in the presence of a legend, Delan… and a ghost," Kaidan stated as he approached the group.

"Figures. All the good ones get taken and you're the one they left behind. Screw this, I'm done with you Alliance types," Delan bitched, walking away.

"I thought you were dead, Kara. We all did," Kaidan said, walking up to her and pulling her into a hug. Stiffening for a moment, she awkwardly hugged him in return, patting his back as she removed herself from his embrace.

"Long time no see, Kaidan. How ya been?" she grinned at her old friend.

"Is that all you have to say? You've been gone for two years. Two years! Why didn't you contact me, let me know you were alive?"

Kara blinked at his vehement tone and took a step back toward Garrus and Jack.

"I was clinically dead, Kaidan. It took two years to bring me back. It's not like I had access to a comm. terminal in the land of spirits to say 'Hey, I'm being rebuilt, see ya in twenty-four months' okay? Trying to get on with my own life is difficult enough while learning what changed and what didn't, and it didn't help that Anderson considered your assignment so hush-hush that he couldn't even trust me with the details. It's not like I didn't ask about you," she sighed.

"The only reason he wouldn't tell you is if the rumors that you were working for Cerberus were true…" Kaidan began.

"I'd say it's the other fucking way around, dude. More like they're working with her, for her, whatever the fuck. All I know is, the Council and your Alliance fucked her over, left her for dead, and she's stuck with this shit-hole of an organization so she can go after the damned Collectors. I might want to blow Cerberus to hell and back, but at least they're doing shit," Jack said, crossing her arms over her chest.

"So you're working with the enemy, huh?" Kaidan muttered.

"We're working toward the same goal, but it doesn't mean I'm working for them. I just want to get this Collector business taken care of and then I can go back home and get away from them."

"Same goals or is that what they _want_you to think? They're messing with your head, Shepard. Think of the coup it is for them to have you working for them instead of the Alliance. Who knows, maybe they're the ones behind all this. I can't believe you turned your back on everything we believed in!"

"I didn't turn my back on shit! Sure, they spent billions of credits rebuilding me and the Normandy. Sure they're funding this whole mission. Had I not seen proof of what the Collectors were doing, I would have walked away," she sighed, pulling off her gloves and tucking them under her armpit so she could run her fingers through her hair. "I can't walk away, Kaidan. Not with the thousands of lives these things have already taken, the hundreds of colonies that are now left bare, and the quarian who is so scarred from seeing what they did to a colony he was assisting during his Pilgrimage that he's now a basket case. You know me. You know I wouldn't do something like this unless I had a good reason to,"

"No, from what I can see you betrayed the Alliance… you betrayed me and our friendship, and from what I can see, whoever the man is who gave you that ring," he shook his head as he looked at her.

"Gods, could you be any more dense, Kaidan! To quote my favorite, if only, mess sergeant on the SR2, you've got your head so deep up your butt-pucker that you can't see shit! I'm out there busting my ass to save the universe and all you can do is think about how this affects you? And as far as the man whose ring I wear, he's flying my ship and with me til the end, just like he was on the SR1 so no betrayal there, sweetpea. He gets what I'm doing and supports me. I've always loved Joker, Kaidan. He's the reason I kept turning you down."

"Wait a minute. You're engaged to Joker? Jeff Moreau, Joker?" Jealousy twisted like a hot knife in his heart.

"Know any other Jokers out there? Yeah, I'm engaged to him. Now, since you seem so hell bent on telling me what a horrific person I am for taking the money of an organization I can't stand just so everyone gets to live a few days longer before the Collectors come back, or gods forbid, the Reapers, I think I'm going to head back to him, if you don't mind."

"Kara…" Kaidan called after her as she walked away, motioning for the others to follow. Without looking behind her, she gave him the finger, smirking as she noticed Jack doing the same. Kaidan watched Kara and her team disappear, sorrow in his chocolate brown eyes as he realized that not only had he lost her as a potential mate, but the friend she had been to him as well.

_/*\_

"What an ass. So much for friendship, huh?" Joker grouched as he felt Kara's hand on his shoulder.

"Eh, friend or not, he always was a bit of a stickler when it came to Alliance shit."

"Kinda makes you wish you had taken your time through there, doesn't it?" he grinned up at her.

"Nah I'll let him live with the fact that he was there, they were taken, and a Cerberus bitch had to save the day," she chuckled.

"That's my girl," he reached up to pat her hand then thread his fingers through hers.

"Any destination in mind, or can I just pick one since we need to get the hell out of here before that Alliance frigate notices us?"

"Anywhere the wind takes us, love, is good enough for me. Even if there isn't any actual wind out there unless blowhard's huffing too much at me flipping him off."

Laughing, Joker powered up the FTL drives and sat back, randomly tapping out a course for the ship to follow. The two grinned at each other, relaxing in pure silence, as the events from earlier seemed to grow ever more distant the further they got from Horizon.


	9. What Once Was Lost

He hadn't seen her all day. She'd been uncharacteristically quiet ever since they swung by the Citadel to pick up a package as requested by Admiral Hackett. He knew she was down in the cargo bay, sitting beside the odd metal statue, her eyes never wavering from the thing. He kept switching to the vid feed to the room just to watch her, his heart twisting for reasons he couldn't understand.

"Joker, set a course for Alchera, please," her voice startled him from his concentration on the vid in front of him, the lack of emotion in it setting off warning bells.

"Did I just hear you correctly? You want me to go to Alchera?"

"Yeah."

"You okay, Kara?" he asked.

"Not by a long shot. Just… please?"

"All right," he sighed, his hands shaking as he input the coordinates, turning the Normandy around to take them back to where he had lost both of his babies.

_/*\_

For once Kelly Chambers wasn't her usual exuberant self. She and the rest of the crew could tell something was a bit off with their Commander. While not the easiest woman to get along with, Kara had been warming up lately and smiles had been coming with more regularity to the woman's face. Today, however, she had been silent, moving around the ship as if nothing more than a ghost. Kelly glanced over toward where Joker sat stiffly in the pilot's chair, his eyes snapping from screen to screen, almost hypervigilant in regards to every single speck of dust that flew past the Normandy. Stepping up behind him, she looked at the pleasant blue glow that seemed to emanate from the planet below.

"It's so soothing," she said, her voice soft with awe.

"And deadly as fuck around here," Joker stated, his voice harsh. "But, that's just my opinion. No need to take my word on it just because I said so."

"Where are we?"

"Alchera."

"Joker, I'm ready for launch. Please open the bay doors," Kara's voice came through the console. He caught the slight waver to her voice that the woman beside him didn't seem to notice, too enthralled by the planet staring at her from outside the windows. With a few taps of his fingers, he did as requested, feeling as if he were fighting for every breath afforded him as he watched the Kodiak hurtle toward the graveyard below.

"Why are we here?" Kelly asked, snapping him back to the present. Turning to look at the redhead behind him, he sighed.

"I'm not exactly sure, other than it has something to do with that statue we picked up at the Citadel. Something Admiral Hackett asked the Commander to do."

"Did something special happen here?"

"You could say that," he whispered.

"What?"

"You're serious, aren't you?" He turned the chair around to stare up at Kelly, his eyes wide with shock. "I'm surprised you don't already know, with how well the Illusive Man supposedly briefed you on the members of the crew."

"I think he already knew how Shepard would react to my presence so her profile was not as extensive as the others, same with yours. Only Ms. Lawson knows the full details," the Yeoman stated, folding her arms over her chest.

"This is where the Normandy was destroyed, where Kara died, and where I lost them both."

"Oh. Oh! I'm so sorry Joker," Kelly murmured, placing her hand on his shoulder. Joker shrugged away from her touch, leaning forward in his chair as he swiveled back toward the console, hoping she got the message. She sighed and dropped her hand back down to her side. Shooting him a sad smile, she turned and walked out of the cockpit, leaving the man to his memories.

_/*\_

Kara wasn't as prepared as she thought for the impact the destroyed ship would have on her. Grief crushed her chest as she banked, flying over the wreckage as she looked for a clear spot to land. Her knees were unsteady as she stepped out of the Kodiak, her breath hitching as she tried to hold back her tears. A glint of light sparkling off to the side caught her eye and she turned toward it, falling to her knees as her hands dug away the snow to uncover the rest of a set of dog tags. Her resolve set, she vowed to recover as many as she could while searching for a good spot for the memorial Hackett had asked her to place at the crash site. How they thought this would be an honor to her, to be the first to set foot on this hunk of rock, was beyond her. If anything, she would do her best to honor those who fell during that attack.

As she wandered the area, stepping over piles of debris, she collected whatever dog tags she could find. Her eyes misted over as she found a section of the ship on which the Normandy's name still stood tall and proud, declaring who she was to anyone who saw her when she was parked in her assigned spot, Dock 422, on the Citadel.

"You were a home for us, girl. The new one, she's not you. She's bigger, getting some upgrades to strengthen her against another Collector attack, but she's not you. I miss you, sweetie," Kara sniffled as she patted the side of the ship. Walking around, she unearthed a few more tags, adding them to the growing bunch she held in her hand. A shiver coursed through her body as she found the old cockpit, images of her, Joker, and Kaidan bullshitting with each other during one of their many missions playing through her mind. More memories came to play as she found other partially intact areas of the Normandy such as the mess hall and sleeper pods.

Kara let out a soft - but watery - bark of laughter as she walked into the side of the Mako, so lost in her thoughts that she didn't see the 'Beast', as her crew had nicknamed it, until it caught her in the shoulder. If only there were a place for the SR2 to land, she'd find a way to drive this gem on board, remembering the shrieks of terror and laughter of her squad mates every time she took the wheel.

"You were a source of much teasing among the crew, and all of it directed at me. Not my fault if we almost catapulted off the side of the Exo-Geni skyway. The wind was atrocious that day, wasn't it, baby? I'll find some way to get you off this blasted planet if it's the last thing I do. I promise."

As she leaned back against the Mako, her eyes scanning the landscape one last time, her gaze lingered over another familiar section of wreckage. Patting the side of the vehicle, she walked over to the mass of twisted metal, closing her eyes as she leaned up against the old map console. She could still vividly picture the old CIC and hear the sounds of chatter around her as the crew talked among themselves while monitoring their consoles. As if part of a vid reel, the last major argument she had with Pressly flitted through her mind. He was complaining yet again about the number of non-humans aboard the Normandy, too set in his ways to hear what she had to say in regards to how Saren and his plan was a problem beyond the scope of humanity.

Opening her eyes, she studied the mess in front of her. Something caught the corner of her vision and she scurried over to a datapad lying amid the debris. As she ran her fingers over the entry keys, it flickered to life. Her eyes burned as she listened to two of the entries, a laugh turned sob catching in her throat as she heard Pressly crabbing yet again about the 'aliens' she had been bringing on board, wondering if the Normandy were becoming a zoo. The third entry had tears spilling down her cheeks and fogging up the inside of her helmet.

_"… for a while now, and I'm taking a look back at past entries in this journal. I … how blind I was at the time. I came on this ship firmly believing humanity was on its own in the galaxy … Shepard brought all these aliens on board, and there's no way we could have accomplished what we did without them. I am proud to say ... die for any member of this crew, regardless of what world they were born on."_

"They felt the same about you, Pressly, even if you didn't always see eye to eye," she sniffled, tucking the datapad under her arm. Doing a last walk around the area, she snatched up her old N7 helmet, then made her way toward the Kodiak. She set everything reverently on her seat before maneuvering the monument to a spot she had found earlier set in the middle of the majority of the wreckage. Running her hand lightly over the curved brass that ended in a small model of the ship, she looked around, feeling as though she had aged ten years while roaming the Normandy's resting place. While understanding the Alliance's want to have a memorial where so many lost their lives, she hoped that she would be the last person to set foot down here. Sending up a prayer that those who died did so quickly and without much pain, and that they found the heavens of their gods, she blindly stumbled back to the Kodiak, the tears making sight near impossible. Grabbing up what she had left on her seat, she moved the helmet and datapad to the co-pilot's chair, keeping the dog tags clenched in her fist as she powered up and lifted off as soon as her vision cleared.

_/*\_

The moment the docking bay doors closed behind the Kodiak, Joker handed the controls over to Hadley and made his way as quickly as he could toward the bay. He waited, watching for the hatch to open, growing more concerned the longer he stood there with no movement from the vehicle. The moment he felt his fingernails digging into his palms, stress and worry causing him to clench his hands, he decided enough was enough and walked over to the Kodiak. He lifted the hatch and staggered as her weight hit him, her body rocketing off the seat and into his arms. Hearing her muffled sobs, his hands fumbled, working the clasps that held her helmet on, then pulled it off and tossed it inside the Kodiak to land beside the pilot's seat. She tilted her face up toward him, her eyes red and puffy from the tears pooling out of her eyes to flow down her cheeks. The blue-grey orbs were lifeless, telling of the emotional upheaval she had dealt with down at the crash site. Gently removing himself from her arms, he looked at what she still had clenched in her hands. He felt bile rising into his throat when he saw her old N7 helmet, sending him back to the day he had seen her floating away from the disintegrating Normandy. Sorrow etched lines into the corners of his eyes as he took in the dog tags dangling from her fist, though they lingered curiously on the datapad she had gripped alongside the helmet.

"It," she swallowed hard, her jaw clenched as she fought back yet another sob. "It was Pressly's," she rasped out, noticing the direction his eyes had gone.

"Damn," Joker swore softly.

"They've all been honored now. Just need to get these back to Hackett so their families can be officially informed," she hiccupped, her hand tightening even more around the chains. Taking a step forward, she stumbled. Joker wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her against his side so she could lean on him for a change, and escorted her out of the docking bay. Pressing the button for the elevator, he took her to the loft, nudging her inside and setting her on the edge of the bed. As gently as he could, he pried her fingers from the items she carried then set about stripping off her armor. She sat there, silent and limp, as he busied himself with putting his flight-school shirt on her, knowing how it had become her favorite piece of clothing to wear, then letting her hair down. Picking up a wide-toothed comb, he sat behind her on the bed and ran it through her hair, his heart heavy at how quiet and unmoving she was.

"They were mine, Jeff, and they died. Twenty tags for twenty lives. They were mine and I lost them," her breathing hitched and she let out a strangled moan. "That doesn't include those the Alliance already knew about such as Pressly and the Ensign who used to sit behind Kaidan. They trusted in me and they're gone…"

Setting the comb down, Joker rested his chin on her shoulder and wrapped his arms around her waist. Pulling her up against him, he rocked her gently back and forth, holding her as she turned in his arms to bury her face in his chest. Her tears soaked through the material of his on-board civs, her body shaking so hard that he almost worried she would somehow end up breaking something inside. He ran his hands lightly over her back as he tucked her head under his chin.

"It's not your fault, Kara. We were expecting geth, prepared for geth. What happened to us was not something we were able to handle. We all did what we could to save as many lives as possible. Blame the Collectors, not yourself, love. We'll be better prepared next time and pay them back for what they did to you, to me, and to those who lost their lives to them."

The tension in her body eased and her grip on him loosened as she began to relax.

"Could you do me a favor, Joker?"

"Anything."

"Find a way to keep the crew away from me for the rest of the day. And," her mouth twisted into a grimace as she paused, hating to ask for any kind of medicinal aid, "And see if you can get something from Chakwas to keep the dreams at bay. I want to sleep, I need to sleep right now, but I don't want what I just saw to haunt me."

"Of course."

"We need to head back to the Citadel so I can turn the tags into Anderson. He can find a way to get them to Hackett, I'm sure."

"I'll set a course then see if someone can cover for me. I don't want to leave you alone right now."

"I don't want to be alone right now."

"I'll be back as quickly as I can."

Kara removed herself from his arms, kissing Joker's cheek softly as she repositioned herself on the bed, curling up into a tight fetal position. He stood, reaching over to run his fingers lightly through her hair before he turned to exit their room. His eyes were somber as he made his way past the crew sitting in the mess hall towards Miranda's office.

"What can I do for you, Mr. Moreau," Miranda asked as he stepped inside.

"Since you're her XO, I need you to cover for Shepard for the rest of the day. I'm also leaving someone else at the helm once I get the Normandy on a return course for the Citadel. Let people know I'm not above using my old crutches to bore them a new asshole if they don't leave her alone, got it?"

"Understood. Going back there, that can't have been easy for her."

"It wasn't which is why I'm asking if you could make sure she isn't bothered."

"Of course."

Nodding, he crossed the mess toward the med bay. The look on Chakwas' face as he entered was enough to let him know that she was already aware of where Kara had gone.

"How is she, Jeff?"

"Hurting. Blaming herself. I think I got through to her enough for her to realize that none of it was her fault."

"Let her know I'm always here if she wants to talk."

"I think I'll have her do that. She knows you and trusts you. Kelly she's not too comfortable around."

"I think that young woman tries too hard and loves too easily for anyone to take her very seriously," Chakwas chuckled softly.

"Oh you're not kidding. But, I'm here because Kara wanted to know if there was something she could take so she could sleep peacefully. She's afraid of being haunted by dreams of what she encountered down there."

"Poor girl," the doctor sighed. She walked over to a cabinet and pulled out a small bottle and an envelope. After shaking a few tablets into the envelope, she replaced the bottle on the shelf and closed the cabinet, returning to Joker and handing him the small parcel.

"Tell her to take one before she goes to sleep. Only one. If that doesn't work, then have her report to me. Taking more than the recommended dose could cause neural damage."

"Thanks, doc. I'll see about sending her down to see you tomorrow."

"You do that."

With the medicine in hand, he went about his business plotting a course for the Citadel and setting up his replacements for the next day or two. As he returned to the loft, he found Kara lying in the same position she had been when he left her, her eyes still open and staring at the dog tags sitting on the bedside table. Grabbing a tube of water from the mini fridge in her office, he made his way to the bed and sat down beside her.

"Doc says to take only one of these before going to sleep. Any more than that could cause nerve damage."

" 'Kay," she said, sitting up and taking the tube of water as he shook out one of the pills into the palm of her hand. While she took the medicine, he picked up the tags, setting those and the packet of sleeping aids on the table in the far corner of the room, out of her line of sight.

"Hold me, please?" she asked, the tremor in her voice tugging at him. He walked over to his side of the bed and made quick work of his boots and uniform, sliding beneath the covers and pulling them up to cover her as well. His arms wrapped around her as she rolled over to curl up against his side. Closing his eyes, he held her close as she slipped off into sleep, hoping that the meds did their work so she could have the peace she so desperately needed.


	10. Barn Animals

Kara curled up at one of the terminals behind Joker in the cockpit, her chin resting on her knees as she glared at the screen in front of her.

"Y'know, glare at it too hard and you'll end up breaking it," Joker's voice was laced with warm humor as he swung around in his chair to watch her. Her hair was a mess from all the times she'd run her fingers through it or tugged at it in annoyance.

"Better that than my face staying this way the rest of my life, though maybe that's not a bad thing either. People might leave me alone then," she grumped.

"So you're not up here because you're addicted to my bubbly personality? You're using me to hide?"

"Hey, everyone knows you're not a people person so it's the best place to go. If I try to hide in our room, they'll just bother me up there since they know you're here and we're not doing anything they could interrupt."

"And she uses me yet again. That hurts my heart," he mock sighed as he swiveled forward to face his console, though he watched her from the corner of his eye. The grin she cracked resulted in one of his own, turning into a sigh of happiness as she uncurled herself from the chair to approach him and wrap her arms around him while resting her head on his shoulder.

"It's just that now that I've done what Hackett requested on Alchera and turned the dog tags in to Anderson, everyone thinks I'm fine now and available for me to bombard with their needs and requests. On top of all that, I have more dossiers to look at that the Illusive Man forgot to include with the first bunch. I think he added one, though, because when I first talked to him about Tali, he didn't think she was trustworthy enough to bring along after Freedom's Progress."

"Tali? We're getting Tali back? That's great! I always liked her."

"If she'll come with. I don't know the whole story but it seems as though Cerberus infiltrated the Flotilla and blew up one of their ships. There's bad blood there and I wouldn't blame her for turning me down."

"Kara, she wouldn't join for them, she'd join for you. She looked up to you like you were her big sister or something."

"I love that kid. Next to you, she was one of my best friends on the Normandy. I hope you're right," she sighed, kissing his cheek before she leaned back to take her usual seat on EDI's panel.

"So what's this shit about people burdening you with their requests? Want me to break a crutch over their heads? I'll do it, too!" Joker turned to watch her, frowning at the dark circles under her eyes.

"Jacob wants to check out something about his father's old ship, the Hugo Gernsback. Miranda has some shit going on with her sister and needs to relocate her. Mordin thinks an old student of his is in trouble on Tuchanka and Grunt is acting strange so a visit with Wrex wouldn't hurt. On top of that, Jack wants to blow up the research facility she was raised in as a child. Garrus is the only one I wouldn't mind helping right now and it has to do with why he was holed up by himself on Omega. Luckily we haven't left the Citadel yet so that one shouldn't be too much trouble since I guess his old friend Sidonis is around here somewhere. Oh, and Zaeed still needs to finish the job he picked up before we recruited him. I'm ok with helping him since it's something I was aware of before we pulled out of Omega's port."

"Damn, all that plus picking up new people? Just wait until they find out you're just a marshmallow under that bad-ass persona and start asking you for help too."

"If that gets out, I'm telling the crew you're sweet as sugar behind your smart-assed mouth and actually like people more than you admit to."

"You wouldn't!" Joker's eyes went wide, though his lips quivered as he fought to hide his grin.

"As long as you don't give up my secrets," she smirked.

"It was that Yeoman, Ms. Chambers, I swear!"

"Now that I could easily believe. She keeps hounding me about team building exercises and how I should open myself up more to the people around me," Kara grumbled. "Doesn't she realize that I can't always walk around with a smile on my face or let everyone know every single thing about me? That could diminish my effectiveness as a leader. As far as team building exercises, that's called working together ground-side. You get to know your people quite well when there's bullets flying everywhere."

"You should take her down on one of your runs," he snickered.

"Oh that would go over well. She'd either scream and run around like a lunatic or try to hug every alien in sight."

"Probably try to do more than hug them," Joker chuckled.

"I think she's the reason we have that scale itch on board that Mordin told me about. Some are trying to blame Jack, but I don't see her sleeping with a varren and according to our salarian scientist, that's the only way this stuff can be contracted," Kara frowned.

"Oh now that's just disgusting."

"Yeah, I'd rather wake up after a night spent drinking to find Saren in my bed than sleep with a varren."

"You'd better wake up either in an empty bed or with me beside you," Joker grumbled.

"Well since you're the only one I'd ever get that drunk around, those are the only two possibilities," she grinned at him.

"I know, I know. So, what's the plan after you help Garrus out?" he asked.

"Haestrom. If Tali will come with us, I want her to be our next priority."

"If you're heading to Haestrom, Shepard, be aware that the radiation from the sun will burn through your shields and cause them to fail. Stick to the shadows when you can," EDI stated, her blue globe popping up in such a way as to look as if she were holding Kara's waist hostage.

"Ok, now that just looks weird," Joker gurgled out a laugh.

"She's sitting on my console, Mr. Moreau. I have no other recourse other than what you see here."

"Eh, at least it's just a hologram, Joker," Kara grinned. "And thank you for your advice, EDI. Talk about a hell of a sunburn if I stay out in the sun too long there," she chuckled. The two stared at each other, then at the globe surrounding Kara, as an almost 200 year old song came through the speakers in regards to always wearing sunscreen. He began laughing first, with her chiming in and almost falling off her perch and onto his chair.

"Where in the blazes did you find that, EDI?" Kara gasped, trying to catch her breath.

"It was on one of those radio stations that Mr. Moreau listens to when he thinks no one else is watching," the AI replied.

"I thought you said they were crap, hon," she grinned, wiping tears from her eyes.

"Not all of them," he mumbled, though he still smiled.

"You wouldn't have any of _The Offspring _in your databanks then, would you, EDI? I found them one night when I couldn't sleep and was trying to find a good station. Decent music for 1990's punk."

Before either of them could speak, the ship was filled with "Pretty Fly for a White Guy", sending the two off into gales of laughter again.

"Priceless! Thank you, EDI."

"You are welcome, Shepard."

"Ok, now that we've had our laugh, I need you to do something for me, Kara," Joker said, his tone serious as he looked at her.

"What's that?" she asked, tilting her head to one side as she looked at him curiously.

"Since we're staying over so you can help Garrus, we're going to leave this ship and head to the apartment so you can get some sleep without people bothering you. You look tired, Kara."

The moment the words left his mouth, she let out a huge yawn.

"See, that's what I'm talking about. You really haven't slept well the past couple of weeks and if we're gonna get any of this shit done, you need some."

"You just wanna practice your docking techniques where there's no chance of interruption," she chuckled.

"Well there _is_that. I think I've got everything down perfect, but the process of pulling into port can be such a tricky business," he waggled his brows at her, causing her to giggle.

"Let me pack up some of our things and let Garrus know where to meet me in the morning."

"Just make sure he doesn't tell the world where I live or we'll get no rest."

"Actually I was going to have him meet me at the C-Sec office."

"That's even better. Hey, while you're packing, I'll head out of here and pick us up some carry-out and a vid. Have ourselves like a date night or something, just without the masses of people," he said.

"Sounds good. I'll meet you back at your apartment," she smiled, kissing him softly as she slipped off EDI's console.

"Our apartment. Anderson added you to the lease when he learned of our engagement," he mumbled, his cheeks turning pink at the look of shock on her face.

"Our apartment? As in yours and mine? A place to call home, with you?" she ducked her head, letting her hair cover the tears starting to well in her eyes. He reached up to cup her chin and turn her face so he could look at her. The moment their eyes met, her lips descended on his, locking them in a heated embrace. He pulled back first, his touch gentle as he pushed back her hair and tucked it behind her ears.

"Yes, yours and mine, ours. A place for us to kick back and relax when we need to. It's already been coded to your voice and fingerprints."

"Wow," she breathed, her smile wide. "I'll see you back there in a bit. I can't believe it's mine now, too! Love you!"

Kara placed a quick kiss on his lips then ran off to pack for the two of them. Joker grinned as he watched her disappear, chuckling to himself as he turned back to the console to quickly plug in an order to his favorite Chinese carry-out restaurant.

"Mr. Moreau, the Normandy's systems are not intended for personal use," the AI seemed to sigh.

"Geez, EDI, can't you lay off just once? It'll help me save time and I want to make sure Kara gets the rest she needs. The quicker I can get the food and vid, the faster I'm back at the apartment and making sure she's taking time to relax," Joker snapped.

"I apologize, Mr. Moreau. You are correct in your assessment that Shepard requires rest. Her vitals indicate a collapse in the near future if she does not take care of herself."

"And that's why I did what I did, which will soon end up being a waste because I'm standing here arguing with you instead of leaving to pick the stuff up."

"Commander Shepard and Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau have departed the Normandy. Operative Miranda Lawson is now the acting XO," EDI reported in response to the pilot's statement. Joker grunted appreciatively and made his way off of the ship, muttering under his breath about stubborn, obstinate artificial intelligence programs.

_/*\_

Empty cartons of Chinese carry-out littered the coffee table in front of them. Kara stretched out on the couch with her head pillowed on Joker's thigh and her hands lightly clutching her stomach.

"Gods, I think I ate as much food as a biotic. Why didn't you stop me from stuffing myself?" she groaned.

"I was having too much fun watching you enjoy the food. And just think, popcorn with the vid is next," he grinned down at her.

"Are you trying to make me explode? Do you actually think I could stuff even one kernel inside this overfull belly of mine? I'm still trying to figure out where you pack it all since you ate more than I did and you're fine."

"I have a good metabolism is all."

"Good metabolism my ass. I swear you're like a cow or something with an extra stomach hidden around here somewhere," Kara grumbled, though her eyes sparkled as she looked up at him.

"Moooooooooo," Joker replied, his lips twitching as he looked down at her. He ran his fingers lightly over her forehead and through her hair, sighing a bit in relief as what little tension she had held onto drained away, smoothing out the worry lines on her forehead and around her eyes.

"Great, I'm marrying a barn animal," she snickered.

"Makes you wonder if any kids we have will end up more bovine like dad or come out braying like their mother."

"You… you didn't… are you calling me an ass?"

"No, just sayin' what you sound like when you're shouting out orders 'n shit," he laughed, ducking out of the way as she swatted at him.

"Hee-hawww," she spluttered out as she laughed.

"See! Even you admit it," Joker grinned.

"Shit…" Kara rolled her eyes though her lips quivered as she held back another laugh. "Ahh damn, I so needed this," she sighed, curling up on her side as she continued to use his thigh as a pillow, her hands gripped lightly over the jean-clad skin.

"You're welcome," he murmured, resuming the finger combing of her hair that he had been doing earlier.

"So where's the vid and the popcorn? I think my dinner has settled enough that I could snarf down a handful or two."

"Well, you see, I have this gorgeous blonde who has wrapped herself around my leg and I can't exactly get up to make the popcorn."

"Tell the bitch to let you go then," she chuckled.

"She'd kick my ass. She's like this big deal Commander who saved the Citadel and Council 'n shit."

"I can take her on. I'll wipe the floor with her for touching my pilot," Kara grinned, sitting up so Joker could stand. Laughing, he leaned down to press his lips lightly against hers then turned to make his way to the kitchen. Kara propped her elbows up on the back of the couch to watch him as he left, letting out a whistle of appreciation.

"Just as gorgeous in the back as you are from the front."

"I swear you're only with me because you like my bubble-butt as you call it."

"And a fine one it is. Too bad you spend so much time sitting on it," she cackled from the living room.

"See if I share my popcorn with you, wench!" he called out as the scent of the exploding kernels wafted out to where she was seated.

"Oh now that's just wrong," she sniffled, peeking over the edge of the couch at him with sad puppy-dog eyes as he stuck his head out of the kitchen to stare at her.

"Yeah, you definitely needed this. My Kara and her sharp wit have returned," he smiled, earning a bit of a wobbly one from her, then popped back into the kitchen to dump the now popped popcorn into a bowl. Grabbing it, he returned to his seat, sighing in contentment as she curled up against his side the moment his butt hit the cushion.

"So which vid did you pick out of the ones I brought back with me?" Joker asked.

"The comedy. I've got too much drama to deal with on the Normandy between Miranda and Jack, enough action with our little run ins with the Collectors, and our lives are close enough to a science fiction feature that I don't want to relive it. I need to laugh," she sighed, resting her cheek on his shoulder. Nodding, he ordered the vid to start playing and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, setting the bowl of popcorn down on his lap as the movie began to play.

_/*\_

"Damnit, Shepard, you cost me my only chance to get a shot at that bastard!" Garrus growled as he stalked after her onto the Normandy.

"Couldn't you tell that he was already dead just by listening to him speak?" she shot back, her eyes blazing as she looked over her shoulder at her turian friend.

"Then you should have let me finish what he started!"

"And let you end up like that ass Harkin who was so caught up in his own need for revenge against C-Sec that he turned against everything he had once been? Do you honestly believe I'd let a friend do that to himself?"

Joker watched as Garrus followed angrily behind Kara into the elevator, their raised voices loud enough that, while he couldn't catch the rest of the conversation between them, he could hear the echo from inside the cockpit. As the two went at it, he hoped that Kara would be able to calm the turian down and possibly help remove the stick from the alien's ass that had been a constant resident ever since her recruitment of 'Archangel'.

"You had no right to keep me from plugging Sidonis between his eyes," Garrus continued, on her heels as she entered the loft.

"I had every right! You're my best friend, Garrus! While I believe in dispensing justice no matter what road I have to take to do it, you didn't see what I saw down there. Either that or you purposely overlooked what came through that sniper scope of yours when you focused on his face. He didn't betray you and the others because he wanted to. It was done because his own life was in jeopardy from the same people who took out the rest of your crew."

"Spirits," he sighed, removing his gaze from her face to the floor between them.

"I don't want you to lose yourself in this need for revenge. Killing him wouldn't have made things better. If you'd gone through with it, my friend would be gone and in his place would be someone with blood on his hands and an empty soul."

"By the stars, Shepard, you're right. I'm sorry. Between losing you and then the team, I guess a good part of me went with it. You always did know how to make me see sense."

"I fight for those I care about, Garrus. You're my best friend, my brother, my family where I once had none. You've been that for me since we chased after Saren. There was no way I was going to let you go into a dark place like that. I've been there. Hell, sometimes I find myself back there."

"Thank you," he murmured, looking down at the human woman before him.

"Now go get your ugly turian ass back to the forward batteries and get to work on calibrating that Thanix Cannon we finally got the materials to build," her lips trembled as she fought between a grin and the tears that threatened to overwhelm her at how close she came to losing her friend to revenge.

"You guys ok in there or do I need to send Grunt in to mediate?" Joker's voice floated around them from the comm. system, the tone noticeably strained.

"We're fine. Thanks for checking up on us, Joker," Kara replied, her eyes never wavering from Garrus' face.

"Good. I don't trust that battering ram to not make matters worse if I were to send him in there, but I think he's the only one who could actually get the two of you apart if shit actually did happen."

"Since I've got you, please set a course for Haestrom. I'll catch you later, Joker. Thanks again, hon."

"Aye, aye, Commander. Glad it's all taken care of," he replied.

"Are we okay, Shepard?" Garrus asked.

"We're fine, Garrus," she answered, patting his arm lightly. The moment the door shut behind him, she curled up on the floor beneath the skylight, her eyes focused on the stars as they flew past.

"Mother Fricka, while I've lost so much, even if I've gained the equivalent back, I ask that you guide us on our journey. Sometimes trying to keep everyone together while doing what I must to abolish my enemies is almost too much. Keep me strong, keep us strong. Help my friends that they do not lose themselves to their inner demons such as Garrus almost did. Please be with us every step of the way because I'm not ready for Valhalla just yet," she murmured. Peace flowed through her as she gave herself up to the fate set out before her, the stars twinkling brighter as if the goddess were indeed responding to the heartfelt prayer.


	11. Radiation Sickness

Kara fought back a moan as another wave of nausea hit her, severe enough that she almost doubled over behind the low stone wall she had been using for cover. Thankfully it seemed as if Garrus and Grunt were holding their own against the mass waves of geth that continued to pour out from the nearby buildings. Targeting a few of the weaker ones, Kara took out a small handful before collapsing back against the surprisingly cool, but rough, surface.

"Shepard, you feeling all right?" Garrus asked, noticing her overly pale complexion.

"I'll be fine. Just remind me to visit Chakwas once we're back on the Normandy. Even though I've been sticking to the shadows, I think the radiation might be getting to me."

"Just let me know if you need anything."

"Will do, Garrus. For now though, don't worry about me. Let's just concentrate on getting those charges and knocking out that wall so we can get to Tali. She's our main priority. The quicker we're done here, the faster we're on the Normandy and I'm on my way to the med bay."

"Aye, aye, Shepard," the turian replied.

"I am KROGAAAAAAN!" the tank born shouted, a gleeful battle rage in his eyes. Both Kara and Garrus peered out from behind their cover as they saw Grunt rush forward toward a destroyer, shotgun in hand, and tearing chunks through the geth before it finally expired. Kara chuckled softly as the youngling cleared out the rest of the hostiles, giving them the freedom to set the second charge and destroy the barrier keeping them from their quarian target.

"Makes me glad I had Mordin research armor upgrades for Grunt," she said to Garrus, shaking her head slightly at the impetuous nature of their other squad member.

"My battlemaster always makes sure I'm prepared," the krogran grinned over at Shepard.

"Damned right I do!" she flashed him a smile.

"He regenerates faster than Garm! Makes me glad he's on our side," Garrus intoned.

"He's my almost indestructible baby."

Grunt snorted, rolling his eyes at Kara as they made their way into the building once the debris had been cleared.

"Don't tell me you think of him as your child?" Garrus asked, his eyes flaring wide in shock.

"Hey, why not? Mother and battlemaster seem to work together quite well in his case."

"I bet that goes over real well with Joker," the turian chuckled.

"He's stronger than he looks and is a good match for Shepard," Grunt grunted. "Not as squishy as you'd think."

"Oh gods," Kara chuckled, though her hand gripped tightly over her stomach as nausea settled in again. Sifting through the room, she stopped at one of the still working terminals and ran her fingers over the console, turning it on.

"_Our people used to walk these halls. There's so much history here. I wish my friends were here to share this with… I wish Shepard were here. I miss them…" _

"We're coming for you, Tali. You won't be alone much longer," Kara whispered, her gaze locking with Garrus, noticing that their friend's words affected him too by the light sheen in his eyes.

"Tali to base camp. Come in base camp. Is anybody there?"

Kara raised her head, her gaze zeroing in on the lit up terminal near the door. She pressed a series of buttons, opening up the communication channel.

"Tali, it's Shepard."

"Shepard? What are you doing here? Where are the others?"

"I was in the neighborhood so figured I'd lend a hand. Unfortunately the men stationed here didn't make it. The others must have fallen back."

"Damnit! We knew this mission was high risk but…" the quarian sighed.

"Give me your location, Tali. Let me help. I've got Garrus with me along with a krogan buddy of mine."

"Head out the door and across the field. I was able to make it to the Observatory, thanks to Kal'Reegar and some of the other marines. I'm safe for the moment but there are a lot of geth outside."

"Looks like someone sealed the door from this side and the console is damaged. Can you get it open from your end?"

"I should be able to. Hold on a second… ahh, there you go. It should be unlocked now. Please, be careful and do what you can to keep Reegar alive."

"Appreciate it, Tali. I'll see you soon, just keep safe, all right? And don't worry about your friend. I'll make sure he gets through this."

"I'll do my best, Shepard, and thanks."

Kara looked between Garrus and Grunt as Tali's holo went dark.

"Looks like we've got our job cut out for us. Let's get a move on and get rid of these geth."

"You got it, Shepard," Grunt replied, his eyes glinting with anticipation at the upcoming battle. Punching the button, Kara opened the door, motioning with the others to move out. The three of them crept through the stone hallways, Kara cloaking herself as they came to an open area. Dashing to a nearby low wall, she took cover as drones flew in overhead. Peeking out over the top of the crates, she inwardly winced at the cause of the heavy metallic footsteps further ahead.

"Grunt, see what you can do about that Prime up ahead. Try to soften it up for us, but if it gets too deep, pull back."

The krogan grinned in response, slamming his fists together, before running off, shotgun at the ready. Kara switched to the Widow and took out a few of the drones, blinking rapidly at the black spots that began to swim through her vision.

"Shepard. Shepard!" Garrus shouted, overloading the last drone as he ran over to her hiding place and grabbing onto her as she retched onto the stone floor beside her. "Spirits, Kara! Do you think you can make it through this to get to Tali or should we call for the shuttle and send you back while Grunt and I finish this off?"

"I got it. I'm good," she groaned, her limbs trembling as she stood. "Shouldn't be too much farther, I don't think."

"What's going on down there?" Joker asked, his concern evident.

"Possible radiation poisoning. Almost at Tali though, sweetheart, so try not to worry too much. Just please have Dr. Chakwas ready for me when we do get back to the Normandy."

"Me? Worry? Nahh," he replied, though his tone said otherwise. "Just hurry your bad self up down there and get back stat, k?"

"Mmhmm. Shepard out," she said. Taking a deep breath she sprinted across the large patch of lit cement, slowing only when she met the coolness of shadow.

"How's it going over here, Grunt?"

"Took that one out but think there's another one lurking nearby."

"Shit. I hate geth," she muttered, ducking behind a metal barrier as the second one came into view. The three of them whittled it down, turning it into a mess of metal and white, sticky goo. Continuing forward, they decimated what was left of the drones, clearing their way toward yet another door. Opening it, they found themselves in a small security room. Kara hit the button to open the blinds, her eyes going wide as she saw the setup down below.

"Oh shit," she groaned, ducking as the large machine in the back fired at them.

"By the stars, it's a Colossus!" Garrus exclaimed.

"Fuck me sideways," Kara sighed. "Let's see if there are any of Tali's marines left down there before we head out," she said, laying low as she dashed past the open blinds and out the door. Rounding the corner, she crouched next to the quarian and peeked around the wall to get a quick visual layout of the situation before looking back at the man beside her.

"Who're you?"

"Squad Leader Kal'Reegar of the Migrant Fleet Marines. We talked on the radio before that drop ship arrived. Still got no idea why you're here, but this ain't the time to be picky."

"Where's Tali?"

"She's inside, over there," Kal replied, nodding his head toward the building across the field. "The geth killed the rest of my squad and they're trying to get to her. Best I've been able to do is draw their attention."

"Shit. Today just keeps getting better and better," Kara groused. "You sure she's still alive?"

"The observatory is reinforced. Even the geth will need time to get through it, and it's hard to hack a door when someone's firing rockets at you," Reegar chuckled, hopping up long enough to shoot another one at a crowd of hostiles making their way toward Tali's building.

"There's a shitload of these bastards around here!"

"Yeah, the geth are at near platoon strength. The worst is that Colossus with its repair protocol. It huddles up and repairs itself whenever it takes a direct enough hit."

"Fuuuuuck," she groaned.

"I can't get a clear shot when it's down like that. Last time I tried to get closer, one of the bastards punched a shot clean through my suit."

"You'd think I'd've learned by now that nothing is ever easy where I'm concerned. Looks like we're gonna have ourselves some fun, guys."

"This can't be any worse than taking down Sovereign," Garrus chuckled.

"Doesn't mean I like it any better," she smirked. Turning around, she looked at Kal, her eyes zeroing in on the hole.

"How bad's the damage?"

"Combat seals clamped down pretty quick to isolate contamination and I'm swimming in antibiotics. The geth might get me but I'm not gonna die from an infection in the middle of battle. That's just insulting."

Kara grinned at him and shook her head.

"You sound like me and a few others I know. Seems like stubborn is what keeps us alive, eh?"

"Yes ma'am!" the marine laughed in response.

"So, which way would you suggest I take to get to Tali?"

"Right side's got a catwalk that you could use as a sniper perch. Downside is, while you could wreak havoc on what's down below, there's little to no protection from the sun and my men never made it past the geth. The middle is the most direct route with the most cover, but you're in direct line of fire from the colossus and you've got hostiles coming at you from both sides. The left pretty much shields you from the colossus but your ass is hanging out for the geth. That's how I got shot."

"Hrm," she mumbled and peered out over the edge of her cover to take another look at the field layout. "Left side looks to be the best route, unfortunately. I'm already dealing with radiation sickness so the catwalk is out, and I don't like the idea of that thing having me in its sights the entire time. Got any other ideas of how to get to her?"

"Just one. I might not be moving too well but I can still pull a trigger and I've got a rocket launcher the sun hasn't fried yet. You move in close. I'll keep the colossus busy, maybe even drop its shields. With luck you'll be able to finish it off."

"You've done enough, Reegar. No need to throw your life away. Besides, I made Tali a promise that I'd do what I could to get you out of here alive."

"Wasn't asking your permission, ma'am. My job is to keep Tali safe. This is our best shot."

"We don't have enough people on our side for you to take one for the team! Stand down, Reegar!" she ordered, pushing him back down when he tried to move past her.

"I'm not going to stand there while you run into enemy fire! They killed my whole squad!"

"And if you want to honor your squad, you'll stay here and watch my back! I need you here in case they bring in reinforcements!" she half snarled at him.

"All right, Shepard," he sighed. "We'll do it your way. Hit them for me! Keelah se'lai."

Giving Reegar a pat on the shoulder, she motioned for Garrus and Grunt to move on ahead.

"Let's clear the immediate area then head to the left. Looks like we need to get up close and personal to the colossus to take it out."

"Right behind you, Shepard," Grunt replied. The three of them moved carefully through the maze, keeping an eye out for possible ambushes.

"Got one!" Garrus crowed over the comm. as Kara came up out of cover just in time to get splattered with geth guts.

"Thanks, Garrus! Joker's gonna wanna know who I just did it with thanks to this crap that's now covering my armor. Appreciate it!" she chuckled.

"Y'know…" he replied, jokingly leering at her.

"Oh stop it! I don't know who's a worse perv on that ship now that you've decided to join the club."

"I blame it on your fiancé. Those asari vids he sends to me… stars!"

Kara doubled over in laughter then shot up to take out a few geth before looking over at her friend.

"He didn't tell you that it was me who chose those, did he?" she asked, watching him out of the corner of her eye for his reaction.

"Spirits," he groaned, laying his head in his hand. "I didn't need to know that."

Grinning, she mimicked licking her finger and making a tick mark in the air.

"Kara 1, Garrus 0."

"This is going to be fun!" Grunt yelled out in excitement as he got his first close-up look of the colossus, halting whatever comment Garrus was about to make. The metal beast focused its attention on them, sending them into cover.

"I don't know that fun is the right word, but whatever you say, big boy," Kara sighed as she looked at the thing. "Garrus, I'll need you to try and keep that fucker overloaded until we can drop its shields long enough for my Incinerate. Grunt, just do what you do best and shoot the ever-living hell out of the bastard."

As the battle raged on, Kara took a deep breath and let it out, feeling the edges of her eyesight going dark. Fighting to keep the others from noticing her condition, she then rounded out of cover and lobbed an Incinerate at the colossus before opening fire from her position. The minute it finally collapsed, the three of them breathed huge sighs of relief.

"Shepard? Is that you out there?" Tali's voice sounded out of the radio.

"It's me, Tali. You doing ok?"

"They didn't get a chance to break in. Give me a moment and I'll have the door open for you."

Picking themselves up from where they had bunkered down, they made their way to the door of the Observatory, waiting until the lock glowed from red to green before entering. Tali turned toward them as they approached, giving Kara a tight hug the moment she got close enough.

"Thank you so much, Shepard. I was worried they might actually get through, especially when they brought that colossus in. If not for you, I might never have made it out of this room. This whole mission has been a disaster. I wish I had joined you when we met up on Freedom's Progress but I couldn't let anyone else take my place with something so risky," she sighed.

"What's going on here?" Garrus asked.

"The Admiralty Board wanted someone to do some research on Haestrom's sun. It's destabilizing, aging far quicker than it should. This isn't natural for a star this young. The price for this data was too damned high though. I lost many friends here, too many," Tali's voice became hard.

"When you've turned in your data, would you be willing to join me on the Normandy? I know how you feel about Cerberus, but I could really use your help." Kara looked at her friend, shifting lightly from foot to foot while nervously awaiting Tali's answer.

"For you, yes. I promised to see this mission through. I have. I can leave with you and send the data on to the Fleet. If the Admirals have a problem with it, they can go to hell. I just watched the rest of my team die."

"Maybe not the whole rest of your team, ma'am," Kal'Reegar said as he limped into the room.

"Reegar, you made it!" Tali exclaimed.

"Your old captain is as good as you said. Damned colossus never stood a chance."

Looking between the two of them, Kara's gaze fixed on the Migrant Fleet Marine.

"If you need it, we'd be more than happy to get you out of here, Reegar."

"Thanks, but I should be able to get back to the shuttle without problems now. Geth didn't damage the ship so as long as we get out of here before reinforcements show up, we should be fine," Kal replied.

"I won't be going with you, Kal. I'm returning to the Normandy with Shepard," Tali told her friend.

"I'll pass the data on to the Admiralty Board and let them know what happened. Take care of yourself, Tali. Keelah se'lai."

"Keelah se'lai," she answered.

"She's all yours now, Shepard. Keep her safe."

"You have my word on that, Kal. She's one of my best friends and I don't intend on anything happening to her."

Kara let out a breath she hadn't been aware she'd been holding and hugged Tali as soon as Kal left the room.

"Thank you. You have no idea how much it means to have another person I know I can trust standing by my side on that cursed Cerberus vessel."

"Once I'm settled in, you'll have to explain to me everything that's going on and why you're working with them."

"Of course, Tali."

As the group made their way outside, toward the shuttle that had just touched down, Kara stumbled, knocking into Garrus. His hands reached up to grab hold of her, picking her up the moment she passed out. The group hurried to the Kodiak, Grunt ordering the pilot to get to the Normandy as quick as possible while Tali and Garrus tried to revive their commander.

oOoOo

Joker felt his heart stop as he watched Garrus carry Kara onto the ship, half running, as he headed toward the elevator with her in his arms. The scene was almost identical to the day back on Eden Prime when the beacon had overloaded her system, the only difference being that it was Garrus carrying her now instead of Kaidan. His heart pounded painfully in his chest, feeling as though he were glued to the chair. His shoulder slumped when he saw that Hadley's and Matthews' chairs were empty. Covering his face in his hands, he let out a soft moan.

"Geth ship approaching our location, Mr. Moreau," EDI startled him out of his thoughts.

"Shit," he sighed, his hands flying over the controls as he pulled the Normandy out of orbit and sped off toward the nearest relay.

oOoOo

"Ugh, that was nasty," Kara groaned, throwing her arm over her eyes as she regained consciousness. "Thought I was being careful but the radiation must really have gotten to me."

"It wasn't radiation poisoning, Shepard," Chakwas stated.

Kara sat up carefully, swinging her legs over the side of the bed, and stared at the doctor.

"Then what was it? Is it something serious? Can it be cured? Don't tell me that the shit Cerberus did to me is already breaking down."

"It is serious but it's not something that needs to be, or can be, cured. You're pregnant, Kara."

"I'm… _what_? No, I can't be. We've been careful!"

"Careful or not, you are. I actually think your upgrades might have overpowered the precautions you were taking."

"Oh gods…" she looked at the doctor with barely disguised panic. "What am I supposed to do? I'm not exactly mother material right now. Not to mention, we're on a fucking suicide mission! And even if we do make it out of that alive, we've got the Reapers on our asses. Shit," she sighed.

"If you wish, I can terminate…"

"No. No…" she whispered, laying her hands over her belly. "It might not be the best time, but it's a gift from the gods. How far along am I?"

"About two months. Kara… it's twins."

"Great," she mock groaned. "Can't even let me get used to having one before you smack me with the fact that it's two? Just do me a favor. Keep this out of my records. I don't want the Illusive Man finding out any earlier than he has to."

"Understood, Shepard. I think there's someone else who needs to know, though."

"And I plan on telling Joker the moment I get out of this med bay."

"Tell me what?" the man in question asked as he walked toward them, his arms wrapping around Kara and pulling her close the moment she was in reach.

"Well…"

"Is it radiation sickness?"

"Not exactly…" she said, clenching her hands nervously on his shoulders.

"What is it? What's wrong? I don't care how bad it is, I can take it. I promise. I'm here for you, Kara," he murmured, raising his hand to run his fingers lightly over her cheek as he looked in her eyes.

"I'm pregnant."

"You're… you mean… oh shit. I'm gonna be a dad, you're gonna be a mom, and we don't know if we're gonna get out of this alive. Well, that seems to be the story of our lives, right? So, do I have super sperm or do you just have biotic ovaries that just blasted past the protection we were using?"

Kara raised her brow at him as she pulled back to look at him, then collapsed in laughter, burying her face in the crook of his neck.

"Super sperm? Biotic ovaries? Gods, Joker."

"Maybe it's a bit of both. I mean you do like to keep telling me how epic I am. Guess I really did get my docking technique down pat," he grinned at her crookedly.

"Shoo, you two. Get out of here. Take this with you, Kara. It'll keep the nausea at bay," Chakwas chuckled, handing the Commander a pressure syringe along with injection capsules. "Inject one the moment you start feeling a bout coming on."

"Hey, Doc? Before we go, is there any way to see if the kid got what I have?"

"So far tests show that they're normal, but they're still in the early stages yet."

"They?"

"It's twins, hon."

"Yeah, super sperm it is," he beamed at Kara.

"Go! Take her up to your room and make her rest," the doctor smiled at the two of them and gently pushed them out of the bay. The moment they entered the elevator, he pulled her into a tight hug.

"I was so worried when I saw Garrus hauling ass onto the ship with you in his arms."

"Well passing out wasn't exactly how I planned my grand exit from Haestrom to go."

"So, what are we going to do?" he asked, gently ushering her into their room.

"What we have been doing. Busting our asses to save the galaxy."

"What if one, or both of them, end up with Vrolik's?"

"Then they have Vrolik's and we make sure they get the treatment they need. They've got a great role model in their dad when it comes to showing them that they can do anything, be anybody they want," she smiled at him.

"You do know this means I'll be keeping a closer eye on you, don't you, Kara? I'll also be making sure you're eating regularly, which you forget to do."

"Yes, Daddy Joker," she grinned at him.

"Wow, we're gonna be parents," he whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

"Yeah…" she looked up at him, her eyes wet. He placed his hand lightly over her belly, rubbing it in gentle circles. Taking her hand, he then tugged her over to the bed and sat on the edge. As he pulled her between his knees, he laid his cheek against her flat stomach and wrapped his arms around her waist, his eyes closing. She smiled down at him and rested a hand on his shoulder, her other coming up to caress his cheek. The two stayed there for a long while, enjoying the miracle of the moment.


	12. Wedding Planner

"Y'know, I almost feel sorry for these kids of ours. They're gonna end up being hellraisers, thanks to being stuck with us as parents," Joker murmured sleepily, rubbing his hand up and down over the warm expanse of Kara's belly.

"Mmm, why's that?" she yawned, snuggling back against Joker's body.

"Well… lookit who their mom is - this total badass who became the first human Spectre and saved both the Council and the Citadel. Then you got me - the best damned helmsman in the galaxy."

"Gods, they're gonna grow up with potty mouths and an appreciation for good intergalactic porn," Kara chuckled.

"Mmhm. What do I bet their first words will be either 'shit' or 'aww fuck' or something similar?" he laughed softly in her ear as he kissed the tip of it.

"Their teachers are gonna hate us and probably call us in constantly. I can see their first day of school being spent primarily in the principal's office."

"Yup. I wouldn't want it any other way, surprisingly enough. They won't be cookie cutter kids at least," Joker said, pulling Kara tighter against him. "Thinking about that though, we need to start planning the wedding. I want our kids born after we're married."

"Jeff, y'know I love you, but I'd honestly rather beat the side of a Reaper with a lint roller than try to plan a wedding. Issuing orders to ground troops? Easy peasy. Planning a wedding, food, flowers, dresses 'n shit? I'll be crazy and hiding under the bed inside a week. Let's just elope or somethin'."

"Nuh-uh. We're doing this right. Priest, bridesmaids, groomsmen, guests - all that jazz. You're not gonna make me be the woman and sit down with lists, are you?" he mock whined.

"If you want it done 'right' as you put it, then damn straight," she turned her face toward his and grinned.

"Shit," he laughed, pressing his lips against hers. Her eyes dancing, Kara playfully patted Joker's cheek.

"That's what you get for loving the 'great Commander Shepard' and asking her to marry you. Just give me the date and time and I'll try to find something somewhat suitable to show up in," she smirked then sighed, rolling over toward the end of the bed. Joker's hands tightened around her waist and he pulled her back toward him.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"Gonna be docking at Illium within the next four or so hours so I should start prepping to take care of all the shit I got going on over there."

"I think you can put it off a while longer," he murmured, pulling her beneath him as he slid inside her, his mouth covering hers. Quiet sighs and soft moans filled the air as the two celebrated each other.

_/*\_

"I'll probably be stuck on the station for a few days, hon. I've got so much shit to do here it's not even funny," Kara sighed, her armor clinking against the console as she leaned against it.

"Yeah, Miranda's crap along with picking up an assassin and some sort of asari justicar, right?"

"Mmhm. Fun times, eh? At least it'll give the crew some time to relax."

"True. Y'know, I was wondering, with the people the Illusive Man has us picking up, if he's doing some one stop shopping somewhere. I mean shit, this asari is supposed to be some sort of trained killer, so is he getting them all at the same store or something?"

Kara choked on a laugh, her shoulders shaking with her merriment.

"I'll have to ask him the next time he sends his summons to talk to me. Gods, Joker," she grinned.

"Hey, I got ya to smile, though."

"You always do," she said, leaning down to kiss him lightly before turning toward the hatch, stopped by the grip of his fingers on hers.

"Take care down there and be careful. Trouble always seems to find you somehow and now I have more than just you to worry about," his voice was soft as he looked up at her, his hand squeezing hers tightly.

"I'll do my best," she replied, returning the squeeze before slipping out to meet up with Grunt and Miranda. His eyes followed her until she was out of his sight, his chest tightening with nerves.

_/*\_

"Shepard!" Liara turned to the group, her eyes wide with happiness as she saw her old friend. Reaching out, she tugged Kara into a tight hug and held on.

"Liara," Kara sighed, sinking into the embrace. "Gods I've missed you!"

"Kara, you have no idea how happy I am to see you alive and well! It seems I made the correct choice…"

"Correct choice?" Kara asked, releasing her friend and taking a step back. "Care to explain? Also, what the hell is up with you sounding like your mother? Threatening to kill someone with your mind? Asking if they'd ever gone up against an asari commando before?"

"About that… things have changed while you were gone. I am an information broker now and sometimes people aren't exactly forthright with their information so threats must be made."

"I… see. And this choice you mentioned?" Kara quirked a brow.

"Oh, that. A friend and I recovered your body soon after the Normandy went down. The Shadow Broker wanted it, but when I heard that Cerberus was wanting to try and bring you back to us, I had to try. Please don't be mad at me!"

"I'm not mad. Surprised, but not mad. What did the Shadow Broker want with my body? Something to stuff and mount and show off that he had me or sell off to some other trophy collector?"

"I don't know, Shepard. So, what brings you to Illium?" Liara asked.

"I'm looking for some people and was told you might have insight on where to find them."

"Who are you looking for?"

"An assassin by the name of Thane Krios and an asari called Samara."

"Samara arrived recently and registered with Tracking Officer Dara. Dara can be found at the transportation hub."

Kara raised a brow at Liara's comment.

"Registered with a tracking officer? What for? Don't tell me I'm going to be stuck with yet another criminal on board my ship. What the hell is a justicar anyway?"

"Oh no, definitely not a criminal! In fact she's the exact opposite. A Justicar is an ancient sect of asari warriors who strive to uphold the law," Liara replied.

"Well that makes me breathe a bit easier. What about Thane?"

"He arrived here a few days ago. My sources say he might be targeting a corporate executive by the name of Nassana Dantius."

"Hmm, I wonder if I can beat him to her…" Kara mused.

"Why would you want to do that, Shepard?" Miranda asked.

"That bitch tricked me into killing her own sister. I have a few words reserved especially for her, along with a bullet."

"I thought that name sounded familiar. Now I know why," Liara stated.

"Any suggestions on how to find him?" Kara asked, returning her attention back to Liara.

"He's been in contact with a woman named Seryna. She has an office down in the cargo transfer levels. Perhaps she can give you more information."

"You weren't kidding when you said you've been working as an information broker. Those answers came quite readily to you," Kara chuckled. "Y'know, I could really use you back on my team, Liara. Why don't you come with me, or at least grab your stuff and head to the ship?"

"I… I'd love to, Kara, but I can't. I have responsibilities here now, and while I know your fight against the Collectors is important, so is what I'm doing."

"Maybe when I'm finished with my business here on Illium, you and I can sit down and have a chat and you can explain exactly what's going on with you."

"I'd like that, though I might not be able to tell you much. As with any place, my office is surely bugged and there are some things I don't want overheard."

"Understood, Liara. It was good seeing you again," Kara smiled at her friend. "I should be going, but I'll try to stop back before we need to pull out of port."

"Take care of yourself, Shepard. You're one of the few people left in my life who I still trust. I don't want to lose you again."

Nodding, Kara backed out of Liara's office, her mind already on her next task.

_/*\_

Muttering under his breath, Joker stared at the different lists he had tried to come up with in regards to planning for the upcoming wedding. The data pad didn't seem to have any answers for him, nor was the cup of coffee sitting in front of him on the table in the mess doing any good in helping him concentrate.

"What's wrong, Joker?" Chakwas asked from behind him.

"I don't know the first thing about planning a damned wedding and Kara has too much on her plate to take care of it herself. Hell, with a comment she made to me earlier, she probably won't even bother trying to find a dress. I want to do this right but I'm worried I'm gonna fuck it up somehow," he sighed.

"I have an idea."

"I'm all ears, Doc. Lay it on me."

"Why don't you let me see what I can do? Also, why not talk to Kasumi and Tali? You know Tali would do anything to find a way to make the day special, and Kasumi seems to have a good grasp of formal wear, with that dress she talked the Commander into wearing a while back."

"Thank you. Thank you! I'm looking at blank lists of some of the things Kara mentioned earlier, like guests and flowers and food and had no idea where to even start. Hell, I don't even know where a good place would be to have it."

"I've already got some thoughts on that. As far as guests, why not invite the crew, Councilor Anderson, and even though I'm sure he's busy, send off an invitation to Admiral Hackett? I'm sure there are other names you can come up with of people you might want attending. Now, for the venue. I know of this pretty little garden area not too far away from the Presidium. It's quiet, doesn't get much foot traffic, and you get a good view of the lakes as well," Chakwas mused, already getting into the role of wedding planner.

"Sounds good. I should probably send off a message to… well never mind! Here come Kasumi and Tali right now," Joker replied.

"I heard my name mentioned," the thief grinned as she approached the table.

"Yeah. Y'know, the doc here brought up a good point. You picked out an incredible dress for Kara when she helped you out with that thing on Beckenstein. Think you could help with a wedding dress?"

"I would love to, but wouldn't Commander Shepard prefer to pick it out herself?" Kasumi asked.

"Her comment to me this morning was, 'Just give me the place and time and I'll try to find something suitable to wear'. I don't think she's planning on doing any dress shopping," Joker sighed.

"Then it would be my pleasure. Oh, I think I already have the perfect dress in mind. Let me go get in touch with a contact and see about getting it shipped here. I can do the tailoring myself so that it fits her perfectly!" she smiled and clapped her hands, then quickly exited toward her room.

"What can I do to help?" Tali asked.

"I'm sure Dr. Chakwas can come up with ideas. There is something…" he trailed off as Garrus approached the group from the forward battery.

"Oh good, now that you're both here, there's something I need to tell you."

"What do you need?" Garrus asked.

"Look, you need to keep it to yourselves. Chakwas already knows, but we don't want this getting out to the general public and take the chance of the Illusive Man finding out," Joker began.

"Is something wrong?" Tali looked at Joker, her hands twisting nervously in front of her.

"No, something is incredibly right, but I don't want that man possibly screwing it up. Kara's pregnant."

"Spirits…"

"Oh keelah…"

"I'm telling you this because I trust you. I'm also letting you in on this secret because I want you to keep an eye on her whenever you're out together. And if you're wondering, I already swept the mess for bugs so our 'benefactor' isn't able to listen in on this conversation."

"Congratulations," Tali said, reaching out to hug the pilot. Garrus extended his hand and shook Joker's once the quarian had stepped back.

"You know we'd do anything for Kara. Just say the word and we're there," the turian stated.

"Do you know what it is, yet?" Tali asked. "A boy or a girl?"

"No clue, other than the fact that it's twins," Joker replied, his eyes lighting up and his grin crooked. "I know I need to be patient but, gods, I can't wait to hold them in my arms. Little bundles of precious," he sighed.

"Oh that sounds so wonderful," Tali said, patting Joker on his shoulder. "So, the wedding. Any idea of when you want to have it?"

"Shit, you just had to remind me, didn't you? Here I was all picturing pretty babies and you make me remember all this planning I gotta do," he groused, though his lips quivered as he tried to hold back a smile. "I want it soon, though, that much I do know. I want 'em born after we're married. I also want, just in case things do go bad on this mission, to be able to know she's mine in the eyes of the gods and the law, before we hit the Omega 4."

"I think that can be arranged. Most of the guests are on this ship, and I'm sure Councilor Anderson would drop whatever he's doing for our Kara," Chakwas replied.

"If you tell me where it'll be held, perhaps Garrus and I could come up with some lighting ideas? I don't know. I'm better with tech than I am with planning fancy things."

"Some sort of little garden near the Presidium? You'll need to work with the doc on that. Then there's flowers, and food, and I'd like to find someone who can take pictures…"

"I'll take the pictures!" Tali stated, her voice filled with excitement. "That's what I can do!"

"I can speak with the Presidium grounds keeper. I've never known a turian with a greener thumb than he's got," Garrus intoned, his eyes thoughtful.

"Count me in for the food," Gardner said as he walked into the mess. "If you wouldn't mind my contribution."

"Great, looks like I've got the venue, dress, food, flowers, and pictures taken care of. Just need to send out a couple of invitations, like to my parents, Anderson, and Hackett, and pick a date. That was easier than I thought it'd be!"

"Why not the 28th of August for a date? That's a month from now," Chakwas asked as she looked over Joker's datapad, noting the information down for him.

"Sounds good. I'll just have to keep reminding Kara about it so she doesn't forget."

"You know she wouldn't. She loves you and knows this is important to you," the doctor smiled at him.

"Yeah, you're right. Well I should head back to my chair and send out those invitations. Thanks for the help and keep me updated, alright?"

"Of course, Joker," Garrus nodded his head to the man. "I'll see about sending something out and get the flowers taken care of for you."

"Oh I'm so excited!" Tali jumped up and down.

"Hey Tali, before you head back down to Engineering, can you let Kasumi know when we'll need the dress by?"

"Will do, Joker," she said, hugging him tight from behind before running off towards the thief's quarters.

"Man, talk about a load off these shoulders. This is going to be great," Joker grinned.

"See what happens when you let people help?" Chakwas smirked at him.

"Oh hush. This is different, though, not people doing shit outta pity because I'm creaky."

"True, but perhaps this will show you how good having friends can be," the doctor replied as she made her way back to the med bay.

Grinning, he shook his head in her direction and rolled his eyes. Making his way back to the cockpit, while he'd never admit it to Chakwas, he did agree that perhaps letting others help wasn't always a bad thing. He pushed that thought off to the side though as he tried to compose a halfway decent invitation in his head to send off to the Admiral and Anderson. After that little chore was done, he scanned his messages, smiling when he noticed one from Kara.

_Hey Joker,_

_Interesting day here so far. Learned that my body was actually to be given to the Shadow Broker but was donated to Cerberus instead when Liara found out they wanted to resurrect me. Not sure what the broker wanted with my body but, ugh, glad he didn't get it. And yeah, you read correctly, I spoke to Liara. She's some kind of information broker now herself. The Illusive Man was wrong, though, when he said she was working for the Shadow Broker. She hasn't told me anything but I have this gut feeling that they're not on good terms. Then again, in her line of work, she would be a competitor of his._

_Retrieved Miranda's sister and made sure she was safe. Her and her family are now off to some new life away from this place. Tomorrow we're going after the assassin. I'm hoping I can get to his target before he does. I have a few words for Nassana Dantius ever since she tricked me into taking out her sister. Scuttlebutt is that she's even worse now so she needs to be taken out._

_Hate to admit it, but sometimes having Cerberus funds actually does have its advantages. Picked up some wicked upgrades for weapons and armor and ho-ly shit, you should see this hotel room I've got for the night. It's actually a suite and damn is it huge. I have it booked for the rest of the week, depending on how long it takes me to pick up Thane and Samara. I'll miss sharing it with you tonight, but maybe you can find some way to come down here so I'm not so lonely the rest of the week._

_Love you,_

_Kara_

"Oh you can bet on it. Sharing a posh hotel room with you sounds like a perfect plan," he murmured, closing out his inbox. Having nothing else to do for the evening, he made his way up to their room and slept with her pillow in his arms, wanting to be able to breathe in her scent with every breath he took and hope it would bring him dreams of her.


End file.
